An Ever Fixed Mark

Cruel to be Kind????

2010-07-20T11:41:00.003-04:00

At a very popular NYC milonga, I found myself in an awkward situation. I think that the choice that I made might have been the correct one, even though it was perhaps the "wrong" one as I did give unsolicited feedback in a sense.

So, as I was sitting chatting with a friend, this young man comes up and asks me to dance. I've never seen him before, I had not seem him dance yet (it was the beginning of the night), and he was not wearing dance shoes. hum. I very politely said "Thank you, but not right now." He then nodded towards my friend, who was now involved in a conversation with the person on the other side of her, and said "How about your friend?"

What?

I looked at him in amazement (and not the good kind), and realized that he was not an ass and not being rude, he was in all sincerity asking me to get my friend's attention. My sharp Irish tongue itched behind my teeth, but I decided to take a different route. So I said "How long have you been dancing tango?"
He looked surprised at my response and said he had started in May, why was I asking. I replied that what he just asked me was considered incredibly rude in tango etiquette, and that this milonga was not the easiest on beginners, so perhaps he should change his tactics if he wanted to have his invitations accepted.
He sort of fell down into the chair beside me, absolutely crestfallen, and said "Is that why I can't get anyone to dance with me???"

Oh boy. Tango Etiquette Lesson 101

I then explained to him how one should ask someone to dance, how to take rejection graciously, to not go down the line of women asking one right after the other, and how to read a follower's body language when walking up to her. He sat there taking it all in, asking questions that were perceptive, until he finally said "What else do I need to know?"
Yikes, I did not want to teach a seminar, only give him some advice. So I told him to do some research on line, that there were some really good websites with this info on them, such as the ones below:
http://www.close-embrace.com/invitingetiquette.html
http://www.tangoconcepts.com/etiquette.html
http://www.tangomuse.com/TangoManners.html

I also pointed to the DJ and said that he was an excellent teacher who taught social tango, and he should look into classes with him as well as observe what happened on the dance floor. How did the better dancers ask others to dance? How do they behave?

He thanked me for telling him these things and wandered away. I saw him later sitting on one of the back seats, watching the leaders in the room. Which made me feel better about what I did. I would like to think that I may have helped someone perhaps stay in the scene, as opposed to never understanding why everyone is "snobby" and leaves to go salsa or grow bonsai or something else other than tango.

Absolutes

2010-07-10T19:45:00.004-04:00

To my mind, there are very few absolutes in tango. Tango is many things to many people. Tango can also be One thing to some people. And all of that is fine and good. What I am having less and less tolerance for is people who have absolutely no tolerance for others. I have read in blogs, heard in milongas, and read on facebook from some folks that Tango IS X and only X and anything other than X is not Tango, but some other dance that should not be allowed in a milonga.

Come off of it.

Tango is a wide range of styles, preferences, movements, music and dance. Some of these things I personally don't care for too much. But I still acknowledge them as tango, just perhaps not my tango. However I embrace a wide range of these elements. For example, I am a close embrace dancer. It is what I prefer and enjoy. However, some of my favorite leaders either go in and out of open and close embraces, or they really enjoy open embrace. So I have learned and am practicing open embrace. I even took a private lesson with an excellent open embrace dancer/teacher for the sole purpose of being able to improve an area that I know is a weakness so that I am a more versatile dancer. Does this make me a tango heretic? I don't think so. I think it opens up doors and possibilities.

I read from one blogger who was complaining about an open embrace move and how it was not tango and how it ruined the moment for her. However, from the comments that followed it came out that she did not actually know the technique of how to follow the move. Perhaps if she learned it then although the move might never be her favorite, it might not be such an earth shattering break for her if it is lead. Instead of reviling this move (which is not any sort of aerial or lift or other "stage tango" step, but it is a more nuevo move that requires a break of the embrace and for the follower to be on her axis and responsive in a particular way), it might have been more productive to say "hum, well, that was awkward. I should ask so-and-so in practica what exactly he expects from his follower when he leads that."

If we homogenize tango, and take out everything that is "not" tango, I wonder if we would be left with anything? Mostly because I don't think that everyone would be able to agree as to what IS tango and therefor everything would be weeded out.

The normal human reaction to that which we don't understand is usually with fear and derision. But instead of reacting that way, wouldn't it make more sense to pause and reflect as to what it is that is making us upset, and maybe by understanding it, we could accept it. You don't have to love it, or even like it, but acceptance will take you a long way in tango, and life....

BA advice

2010-06-28T09:45:00.003-04:00

I have had numerous friends who are going to BA ask me for advice in day to day things. So I have written up some advice on different topics from my diary and e-mailed it out. I have received such positive feedback that I keep thinking I should post it. Then a friend who has been to BA numerous times wrote me today for the link to my blog as they wanted to read it before leaving tomorrow (jealous!!!) - so I thought I should add this in. So here it is - my observations and thoughts.
:-)

Common sense that no one tells you:

In the higher end shops they speak English, but other than that, very few folks do. Learn the basics of Spanish and if you can bring a digital translator with you, that is a good idea.

Hoard your coins. really. They have not minted coins in almost a dozen years so people are reticent to give them out. You will need them for the subte and collectivo. However, when going to the verdulerias, I always gave them exact change, and they always gave me better produce. It can be a "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" society.

There is no such thing as orange juice as we know it outside of a cafe. They sell something called orange juice in the supermarkets, but it has corn syrup, starch and other shit added, tastes awful - don't buy it. But the packaged grapefruit juice is amazing, tart and wonderful. they don't add anything to that. go figure.....

If you need any soy products, go to barrio Chino to the Casa de Soya, best soy milk I every bought, made fresh daily and no preservatives, so if you don’t drink it within a week it will turn to tofu, and they carry all things soy. wonderful wonderful folks there.

don't drink the tap water. Really. Truly. buy your water.

Water – it comes two ways “con gas” (seltzer) or “sin gas” (flat) and in glass bottles which if you buy at the market you bring back for recycling.

don't tip cab drivers. it is not done there, and marks you as a tourist. That being said, some of the cab drivers are wonderful old men who will tell you all sorts of history of their city. I always added a pesos for them as they were so amusing. However, the cab fare is always rounded up or down due to the coin shortage.

Hide your money in different places on your person. We never had a problem, but we were wary and smart. I know a few people who were mugged. I kept my money in my bra, I figured I would notice if someone picked that pocket. In the milongas, don't have anything in your bag that you would mind losing. La Viruta is notorious for bags going missing. I always used the coat check at any venue that had one. usually 2 pesos (about 30 cents) for peace of mind.

At the pharmacy there are carbon pills - pastillas negra - buy them. they will cure your upset stomach and diarrhea which you will get. everyone does. most medicines can be purchased at the pharmacy without prescription, you just need to know what you want, and most pharmacists I encountered did not speak english, so you need to know what the medicine is that you need. Also, they are not like pharmacists in North America. They will not advise on what to take, you need to know what you want.

When shopping, you have to try everything on, there is no sizing regulations or consistency. I bought size 1, 2 and 3 and in shoes I bought 37, 36 1/2 and 36's.

I would strongly recommend NOT using your credit card. Only higher end restaurants and shops take them, but several folks who used them had credit theft or fraud happen. It really is a cash only society. Most ATMs will only let you take about 300 pesos out at a time, which is a pain in the ass. BUT, in the airport there is a federal currency exchange station that you can change large amounts of cash over with your passport. I would recommend doing that, and then when you need more cash going to the Bank District and changing you money at one of the major banks. But, you must always have your passport when you change money.
Also, if you do use your credit card, there will be at least a 20 pesos charge added to your tab as you are expected to pay the fee that the credit card company charges the business.

Coffee - coffee in the supermarkets is hideous. they roast it with sugar (!!!!!) and it tastes like crap. The only coffee I ever found worth buying was Bonafide and at Cafe Baraka, they have cafes all over the city, but you must ask for cafe sin sucre. crazy..... because the coffee in the cafes is wonderful – so my recommendation is to either bring coffee with you or have your coffee in the cafes.

Don't expect spice. I think that salt is considered the only spice in the city. That being said, lots of times no spice is needed as the food is really good. But, after many weeks of un-spiced food, I was dying for a curry. Also most restaurants do not have black pepper. So if you want black pepper for your food, bring it with you.

Getting around - the subte is great, just make sure you keep your belongings in your possession at all times. No backbacks on your back! Bags should be clutched to your tummy. The panhandlers are much more aggressive here. The collectivos are also great, although they look dicey. They run 24/7 and get you anywhere you need to go. You pay when you get on at this huge machine by the driver, tell the driver where you are going and the fare will appear on the machine, coins only! Keep the receipt that prints out! Often collectivo inspectors will board and ask to see everyone's receipts. You have to exit from the back door and the buzzer to be let off is at the back door. I went several stops past my stop the first time I took it before someone took pity on me and showed me how to signal the driver. Also, you have to flag them down at their stops like a cab, other wise they don't stop, and people line up to get on in a very orderly fashion, they don't clump and push like here, and if you do, they will tell you off. Be aware that sometimes they only slow down to a crawl and let you on or off, which is an adventure in itself. But always wait to see if he is really going to stop or not.

Non-tango things:

You MUST go to the Palacio Barolo on ave de Mayo in downtown
http://www.pbarolo.com.ar/
best tourist thing I ever did, and best 20 pesos I ever spent. It is an amazing tour of an amazing building built by an eccentric and inspired man. You have to book ahead though as there is a limit on how many folks can take the tour. When you reach the end, the top of the building, you will understand why. :-) It also affords the best view of the city I saw in my entire 2 months there.

Barrio Chino - I did a lot of my food shopping here. The only place I found reasonably priced fresh herbs as well as black pepper (a rare find) and curries. As well as fresh fish.
In Barrio Chino there is a wonderful tea house called Buddha Bar that you should go to. Fantastic teas and scrumptious looking pastries (which I could not have). It was a haven of respite in a crazy busy street. Also, if you shop here for your food (which you should do), go on Tuesdays, that is the morning that everything arrives fresh, so it is the day to shop. I bought a simple cloth sack from a street vendor and used it when I food shopped.

Recoleta Cemetary – this is where all the famous folks are buried, including the Peron family. It is an above ground city of the dead. Amazing and awe inspiring. Just don’t go at dusk… spooooky ;-) LOTS of cats!

Eva Peron Museum – Palermo – an amazing house that has been turned into a museum honoring Evita, it used to be a boarding house for women coming in from the country in search of a better life. Quite a good few hours.

Botanical Gardens in Palermo – AMAZING. Just gorgeous and a fantastic afternoon. It is open year round as their winter is 50’s and sunny, so things grow year round. Be aware – this is the epicenter for all the feral cats in Buenos Aires. So there are cats EVERYWHERE. Some are friendly, some are not, but they are all feral and getting a scratch from them can cause cat scratch fever – which is severely unpleasant.

Museum of Modern Latin American Art - Avenida Figueroa Alcorta 3415 – near the Plaza de Peru. Amazing museum filled with artists I had never been taught about. So worth the admission price – they are normally closed on Tuesdays.

Gimme......

2009-12-09T12:56:00.002-05:00

I do not understand the need to "make" someone dance with you. It just goes against what a social dance should be to my mind. Two recent events have spurred this thought and title of this post, which reminds me of a two year old demanding something they can't have....

A little while ago the final Tango de los Muertos happened in Boston, and it was a glorious time! One of the themes of the night milongas was "Disguised" and a friend of mine was so looking forward to this theme because they were planning on completely disguising themselves so that they could get dances with those whom they do not normally dance. The plan was that my friend was going to "make dancers who never dance with me to dance with me". I am not sure how exactly they thought this would work out. I asked why on earth would one actively seek out a dance with someone who does not wish to dance with them, why not look to new people whom one might be more compatible with. The response was "I've been dancing xx years, they should dance with me!"

We discussed the differences in style, preferences, etc. But my friend would not budge - this was the opportunity to "make" someone dance with them. How did that work? Not so well, despite completely disguising their appearance, the intended prey eluded being cornered into a dance. And instead of focusing on the dances that were available and interested, all the focus was on what they could not have. Which made for a miserable night I was told. My comment of "I told you so" was not very well received....

Then I had an experience of being on the quarry end of this odd behaviour. There is a leader who regularly chides me for not dancing with him. Now, if he opened a dialogue at a practica (which he rarely attends), that would be different. But instead he tries to guilt trip me at milongas for turning him down, he even went to the point of saying to me "I will stop asking you to dance if you don't accept me soon!" The thing is, he never asks me why I don't accept his invitation, it is always a rather pointed accusation that I refuse him. If he asked, I would tell him that his embrace is very uncomfortable and restrictive for me, so I don't dance with him. But he has never asked, just throws barbs. Which I could care less about and is not exactly enticing me to accept next time.

Then I had a birthday dance, and he cut in. After the birthday dance, he came over to me and said "See, you should dance with me! I don't want to only get to dance with you when you have a birthday dance! You should give me another shot!"

I don't want to. The ten seconds I danced with him were restrictive and unpleasant. And I should not have to become a bitch in order for him to accept that just as it is his prerogative to ask for a dance, it is a followers prerogative to decline. I don't understand this obsessive behavior with some people towards dancing with people with whom it is not a mutually enjoyable experience. I am not saying that you must dance only on your "level" - that is not a helpful choice in growing the community. But focusing only on the unattainable seems like masochism to me. In all of the cities that I dance in, there are leaders whom I am friendly with but either they do not ask me, or I do not accept dances from them. And in most cases, this is ok, we can be friendly off the dance floor even though we do not meet on the dance floor.

Choosing a dance partner for a tanda is very personal for me, and if I know or believe that a pairing will not be enjoyable on any level, then why go through that? And the same for someone who chooses or does not choose to dance with me. I want to feel tango joy from my partner, not frustration or reluctance.

little mini breakups

2009-10-16T12:53:00.004-04:00

"You don't want to break up yet. Right?

Possibly the best question I have ever been asked during a cortina.

Ending the dance with someone really can be like a little mini break up. In all the different aspects of a breakup. Sometimes you know that even though you are breaking up, you will get back together later that night. Sometimes you know that this relationship was a complete and utter mistake, and it is better that you both part ways. Other times it is bittersweet, you know that neither of you can take any more, but the time you had was so sweet and perfect. And sometimes it is better if you are just friends.

The tandas that we have are relationships. They are connections that either happen or don't. And when they do happen, they can be anything from playful to sweet to melancholy to intense. No connection is the same, and no connection can be recreated, even if you go back for more at another time, or if you have a "regular" thing.

Maybe that is why it all seems so personal. Who we like to dance with, who asks us to dance, who we want to dance with. Perhaps that is also why jealousy is such an issue in the tango world. We can't bear the thought that someone else is feeling either something different, or something stronger, than we do.

Restless

2009-10-02T11:19:00.003-04:00

Has it really been 2 months since I wrote anything?? I guess it has....
How bizarre...

It is not as though nothing has happened. Stuff has happened. I am back at work. Back at school. Organizing tango. Dancing tango. Life and love. And yet every time I think I should write a post, words fail me.

I feel restless. I have been in the same place for quite awhile now, and I am not used to that. The amount of travel that we are doing helps, but it does not change the fact that I feel restless. As is Sorin. Which makes things even more interesting. I want to travel to Europe. I want to go back to BA.

I am home alone this weekend, Sorin is off to Princeton Festival while I have something special happening tomorrow night (I'll write about it Sunday, please hold your thumbs for me that I won't make a fool of myself). And if you are in Boston, please come to Saturday's Tango Paradiso and give me a hug of encouragement around 11:45-ish...

There are some interesting projects in the making, which I will talk about once they are up and going, I don't want to jinx them. But I am hoping that the new projects, which are in addition to all the other projects I have going on (hell, we sleep when we are dead, right???) will help to calm the gypsy in me who is poking at my sides rather insistently.

Re-Integration

2009-08-06T14:48:00.003-04:00

Things I no longer have to do:

- Flag down the colectivo. Here, the buses stop if you are at the bus stop! How delightful!
I flagged down the bus as I went into the center today, and the driver explained to me that I did not have to do that, he would stop at all bus stops if someone was there. I felt like an idiot. But it became second nature to step to the curb and raise my hand when I saw a bus coming towards me.

- Speak Spanish. Went into the grocery story and asked the lady at the service counter "Donde esta el bano?" She spoke Spanish, so it was not too embarrassing. But after she told me where (in Spanish), she asked me where I was from "Estados Uni.......dos....... doh!" I answered.....I then explained I had spent the last two months in Argentina and was not used to speaking English to people at service counters. And come to think of it, I was not used to service counters! She laughed, thought it was funny, and complimented my accent.

- Hoard coins. I was trying to figure out how to not give the bus my quarters, since I did not have a dollar bill, and then I remembered - it's ok. The US government makes lots of the little shiny discs. I did not need to hoard them to myself. I could feel free to spend them.

- Line dry clothes - my drier and I have become bosom buddies again... I love my drier. And I am not ashamed to admit it! And I have a feeling I will enjoy ironing again now that I do not have t spread a towel on the table to iron Sorin's shirts. But it is 80 degrees today and humid, so no ironing today. That will be another day's joy.

Re-Insertion

2009-08-06T09:20:00.003-04:00

So, re-insertion into Boston. Not the pain and suffering I had been warned about. I wonder if it is worse for leaders than followers....

I think that the key is to not expect your home community to be Buenos Aires, or to compare it to Buenos Aires. That is not fair, there is no possible way your home tango could stand up to Buenos Aires. Mecca is Mecca and no place else can come close. So to constantly compare the two can only lead to disappointment and depression. In my mind anyway. Maybe that is a bit Pollyanna of me, but it is how I am approaching this re-acclimation.

Regardless, I ended up dancing the entire night of my first milonga back in Boston, and with only one exception (which was my fault for not watching the leader dance before I accepted, considering I did not know him) - each dance was really enjoyable. I discovered that there was a whole new layer to each leader that I did not hear before. And I was able to be more interactive, also it seemed like I had oodles of time as I stepped. Remember when you were a beginner and it seemed that there was no time to do anything other than step? And even that seemed rushed? Well, now I feel almost languorous at times, as though there was all the time in the world in between beats. It really was a lovely night. I did not get to dance with everyone that I wanted to, but that is ok - I will get to dance with them soon I am sure. :o)

I also really enjoyed being the Shoe fairy - it was like handing out bundles of happiness in satin bags. :o) I have two more shoes to give out, and I am so looking forward to their expressions as well!

Transitioning back

2009-08-04T13:30:00.002-04:00

Back in Boston.

It is so strange to realize that our adventures in Buenos Aires are at an end. We are back home, back in the summer humid heat, and answering the same questions from everyone. Which I do not mind at all, but it is a little surreal.

I have started several posts about being back, and all fell flat. I think I will do segments of reflection as opposed to one long talk back about our time there.

The transition back has not been as abrupt for me as it has been for Sorin, but I think our expectations both for Buenos Aires and for our return are different.

Tonight I pass out the shoes to all the women whom I bought for. It should be a fun, squeeling-ful night. :-) There is nothing like the balm of new shoes to soothe whistful thoughts of another time and place.
:-)

More soon....

One of these days, I'll understand the humour.... I hope...

2009-07-27T22:18:00.004-04:00

It is Monday, my last Monday in Buenos Aires. 4 more night here, precious little time to waste.
Which is precisely, I feel, why I am not in Canning right now. Where I should be.
It is because the universe has a sense of irony that is well past my puny level of understanding.

I realized that we were out of toilet paper. So I figured I would run to the pharmacia before going to Canning and buy a roll. On my way back from the pharmacia, as I closely watched a group of three kids who looked vaguely up to nothing, which in my book always means something, I stepped on what looked like a solid piece of sidewalk. Instead, it was far from a solid piece of anything, and it was resting one edge on a bare centimeter of earth. Beneath the precariously perched sidewalk section was about a 4 inch drop. Perfect for a really good ankle twisting. Which is exactly what I did. And as I fell the three youths rushed to my side. To offer aid. As I swore in English, Italian and German (because one language is never enough in these situations), the kids helped me up, picked up my toilet paper for me, and one pointed to a huge pile of dog poop that I miraculously did not fall into. I thanked them, they asked if I was ok, I said "Mas o menos" which they thought was hilarious. With every step home my left ankle screamed at me and I muttered the F bomb in response. So here I sit - ice on ankle and glass of wine in hand. And Sorin is out of credits, so he is unreachable by cell. Of course.....

So what else am I going to do but finish one of the posts that I had started. Along with the glass of wine of course.....

*****

It is now the time when I am saying "This is the last _____". Which is sad. I am also starting to say goodbyes. Which is even sadder.
Sunday night was my last Glorieta - and I so love that place. The air had a definite nip to it, there was a humidity to the cold that was not really present until the middle of last week. But there were people there regardless. I had a wonderful time. Enjoyed myself thoroughly. I even enjoyed a dance that was a mistake. I was asked to dance by a very young man, and I accepted. And as soon as we started, I realized that he had no idea what he was doing. And very soon into it, he realized he had no idea what he was doing and started to panic a little. After the song ended I asked him if he danced tango, and apparently he was so moved by watching the class before the milonga, he joined in, so he has had half a class. oh boy. But I don't want to rain on someone's enthusiastic parade. So I talked as much as I could through the second song, and then said "Uno mas?" And we walked out the next couple of minutes to Callo.

After Glorieta, where I had to say two goodbyes to leaders whom I enjoy dancing with thoroughly, I was going to go home. That hard stone gazebo floor is murder on my knees. But, our friend E was disappointed that she did not get to lead me in a milonga, that she asked me to go with the group on to Loca. Now Loca is not my favorite, mostly because the floor is like solid polished ice. And the music is usually less than great. But, E asked, and so I went. And I am actually glad I did. I had some really wonderful dances up until the performance, including a super fun tanda of milonga with E! Whew! The performance was actually phenomenal. This couple, Bruno Tombari and Maria Angeles Caamano, were elegant, engaging and a joy to watch. Let me put it this way - Sorin enjoyed the performance! And they performed 4 songs!
After the performance I did not dance much at all, actually, I did not dance at all for over an hour until the final tanda came on. But this was ok, the level of dancers in the room was amazing. I was at the bottom of the barrel. So I had no problem sitting and watching people who were so much better than I.
And to be honest, the dances that I did have were all superb. So there is that. :o)

T-7 and counting.... yikes!

2009-07-24T16:15:00.003-04:00

Only one more week left! I can't believe it....

I had my last Spanish class today. And starting today I can say "It's my last Friday night in BA."

The last two days were horrifically cold and wet. If I was in Boston during winter, it would not seem so bad, 35 degrees is not horrific. However, when the house you are in has no insulation, the windows are not meant to keep cold out, and the air is wet with the cold - it is miserable. I stayed in last night because I figured who in their right mind is going to go out?? I cooked in the kitchen for hours to keep warm. I am rather happy Sorin was not around to take a picture, I was wearing leg warmers over my jeans, multiple socks with my muppet slipper-socks over them, long sleeve shirt, 2 sweaters and my scarf. Once I got cooking though, the scarf came off. ;o) But I was a funny sight for sure!

I have a few posts started, and promise to finish them up over the next few days.

I was asked by the fine folks over at KnowTango to write a guest post for their blog about Traditional Milongas and what is needed to make them good. If you are interested, take a gander over to HERE. Please keep in mind that I am by no means an expert, this is simply my opinion based on my short time here in BA and my slightly longer, but still short time in tango in the US Northeast. That said, I am interested in what others think and have to say on the topic. So please feel free to open a discussion there.

More soon!
Chau Chau!

Down then Up

2009-07-17T15:02:00.003-04:00

I lost a week.
I am now down to two weeks left in my adventures.
This week I was ill, again. Stomach virus. Blech.
So almost this entire week was lost to me as I was in bed, again.
Rather aggravating.

But yesterday I was well, I felt good, although weak. And decided I was healthy enough and no longer contagious to go dancing. I decided to go to Villa Malcolm with Sorin so that I would be close enough to home if I needed to leave. I felt sure that I would be exhausted by midnight.

So not the case.

I had possibly one of the best nights I have had here. All of my dances were good, most were great. My "worst" dance of the night was still good. And I was so happy to move, so happy to be out of the apartment, that I was moving freely. I was afraid I would have been stiff and slow, but on the the contrary, I felt so alive. So connected to everyone I danced with. I was happy.

And I danced my first Chararera. With a blind man. How awesome is that?!? There is a gentleman from San Francisco here whom I met about a month ago who dances tango. He is an incredible inspiration and watching him dance is awe-filling. I am convinced that he has Spidey-Sense. We danced last night and he asked me if I knew how to dance the Chararera, I said sort of, I had been taught it awhile ago, but I did not really know it. He asked me to find him at the end and dance it with him, so I did. It was a blast, although more exhausting than tango!

So I walked home on shaky weak legs and with a happy heart.

Its time to talk shop.... shoe shopping that is!

2009-07-09T14:40:00.003-04:00

So, I have been a good girl and not gone hog wild on the shoe shopping.
I could have.
There is much trouble to be gotten here.
But I was good.

I have been asked by numerous people about where to shop for shoes while here, so it seems worth a post even though I know that many people write about shoes. So, here is my opinion. I am only going to write about what I LIKE and LOVE. I am not going to write about the places I did not like, if you have a question about a place I don't write about, send me an e-mail or post a comment with your e-mail address (I won't publish it) and I'll send you my honest thoughts on that place if I have visited them.

First, and foremost, naturally
Comme il Faut - number bought - me - 2, friends - 5

Love, Love, LOVE this place! First of all the women there are so lovely and helpful. And they rather give you a feeling of being super, high class special because they discuss with you what you like, what you want, and then they bring the shoes to you to try. It might seem difficult, but actually it is not. The more specific you are with them, the better they can help you. I ended up buying shoes for multiple friends here as well as two pairs for myself.

Located on the second floor of a shop located in the Rue de Artisans, they set the tone of being exclusive with simply the location. Walk off of the busy street onto the Rue de Artisans, in a beautiful courtyard, up a flight of stairs and ring the buzzer. You are usher in with a warm "Hola, Como Esta?", sit on one of the benches and one of the sales ladies talks with you about your needs and wants. Boxes and boxes appear, you try on, you admire in the full length mirror, and all the women in the shop at the time will chime in with their comments. One of my visits there there were two women from France, one from Japan and one from London. We all gave opinions on each others, as well as swapped out shoes when we saw that one had a pair that another really liked.

My favorite place to shoe shop is here.

Take note - if you pay in cash, the price is about 20 pesos cheaper. As with most places in Buenos Aires, if you pay with a credit card, you pay the fee that the vendor is charged by the credit company. So go with enough cash to save yourself some money if you are buying more than one pair of shoes.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT!
Did you know that CiF makes a shoe with a 1.5 inch heel?!?! They do! On my last visit to buy for friends, there were two adorable older women there, who were trying on shoes that looked like CiF, but had a 1.5" wedge heel. My friend Sally was with me and we both exclaimed over the shoe. We asked the salesgirl if these were new, she said no, but they do not have many and it only comes in one style (peep toe with closed heel) and two color options, royal purple with silver accents or black and red. Regardless, if you are interested in a super low heel from a very well made shoe, go to CiF and ask for them.

2x4 -number of shoes bought me - 1, Sorin - 1

Find of the century. These shoes are AMAZINGLY comfortable. Possibly the most comfortable tango shoes I have ever worn. They also have interchangeable soles, so that you can change how your shoes respond to the floor, you receive three options with your shoes - hard leather, suede and rubber. I was unsure how secure these soles would be, but they are perfect. The sole never slips (held in by super industrial velcro) and, as I did at one milonga, you can change the soles if the surface of the floor changes through the night from humidity, heat, etc. If you are there when the owner is there, ask him how he came up with the design, the story in itself is worth the trip, and he is so passionate about creating the Perfect Tango Shoe.

One drawback for women - there is only one style of shoe - many many colors - but only one style - a strappy sandal with a closed heel. They are a little "older" looking in style. Compared to my CiF's, they look very "sensible". However - I took a 90 minute milonga class in these and never had a problem.
For men - there are multiple styles and colors to choose from.

You must try these on. I found out that in these shoes I am a 36.5 - where I normally take a 37.

Located on Scalabrini Ortiz in Palermo, you will most likely do what I did and walk past the address not realizing it is a store. It is a normal, residence building, and 2x4 is located in the back on the first (ground) floor. There is a white buzzer above the residence buzzers that has in small print "2x4". Look for the address number, not a sign for the company, and make sure you check them out!

Word of warning - these are the most expensive shoes I bought. 470 pesos. Well worth it, but they are a cash only business. So make sure you have enough money with you!

Taconeando - number of shoes bought - 1

A new, young, hip store located on Arenales, this store is wonderful. Created by a young tango dancer, her designs are simple and clean and her colors vibrant and eye catching. If you want the most vibrant of metallic leathers - come here! The most saturated satins - come here! She also has some outrageous shoes as well - think maribou detailing..... hhummm!
The prices are also very reasonable, between 250 and 300 pesos for most designs.

The heel heights are high or not as high, so if you are looking for a low heel, they most likely won't have it. However, the balance of the shoes is fantastic. I brought my friend Sophia there, who was adamant about a low heel height. She tried on the shoes and and was amazed that she did not feel as though she was in a high heel. She ended up buying a gorgeous black velvet Mary Jane style shoe with gold embossed flowers. Really chic. While we were there, a woman from Miami was picking up her shoes. She told us she was 75 years old!!! And her high heels were in what was most definitely Miami colors (aquamarine blue, hot pink, and celedon green). She was so enthusiastic about the shoes, that all I could think was if a woman in her mid-seventies was dancing all night in these shoes, everyone should.

Neo-Tango - number of shoes bought - me - 1 sneaker, Sorin - 1 (at Tango Brujo)
You can go to the NeoTango store, located downtown at Sarmiento, or you can buy their shoes at Tango Brujo .

The actual NeoTango show room is beautiful, bright and right in the middle of everything. The displays are drool worthy. Their shoes are really well made and are a wonderful combination of colors and materials. Again, you have to try them on. I ended up buying a pair of sneaker for classes because I really needed a pair, I've been using ballet flats for years now, and I wanted a pair of sneakers that did not have a huge, thick sole that stopped me from feeling the floor and felt like 10 pounds on each foot. The sneakers I got are great, brown with some gold accents, they are super comforable, have a split sole and are thin enough that I can feel the floor. They had much flashier colors available in the sneakers, as well as more sedate. The pair I really wanted were a cool pattern of browns, but they no longer had my size.
The heels I really liked, but they unfortunately do not fit my feet. The 37 was too big and the 36 too small.

All I want is a muffin

2009-07-06T15:41:00.003-04:00

The Universe is having some fun with me.

Yesterday I went to a gorgeous little cafe in Palermo SoHo called Baraka with Sally and her amor, Carlos, and his daughter. If you are in Palermo, you really should go, Corner of Gurruchaga and Goritti. Fantastic coffee and ginger infused beverages, along with organic foods and sweets. Plus the whole environment is cozy and comfy without any pretension. And the prices are great.

So, I ordered a cafe doble and I saw a display of beautiful muffins when we walked in. On the menu it listed "Muffin" along with the available flavors. One of which was arandano, or blueberry, which is my favorite. So I ordered a muffin de arandano.

When the plate arrived, my eyes grew to saucers, it was a huge blueberry crumble tart. It was gorgeous (and insanely tasty), but it was not a muffin. I laughed and explained to my friends what I was expecting, I pointed to the display and asked Carlos "Como se dice?" It was explained to me that it was a Budin. We laughed over the word mix up, I inhaled my "muffin" and all was well.

I now knew what a muffin was in castellano. I was prepared for future ordering.

Fast Forward to this afternoon. I went to a different cafe, saw another lovely display of what I know as muffins and knew was budin in Buenos Aires. Read the menu and saw "budin" listed with a variety of muffin-like flavors. I ordered a cafe doble y un budin de limon. Confident I had cracked the code.

I got my coffee along with a gorgeous slice of lemon bundt cake. Not a muffin at all. I started laughing, which really confused the waitress. I think that she was concerned that I was either unstable, or she had missed something. I tried to explain the sitation (she spoke no English). I went to the muffin display, pointed, and asked "Como se dice?" She said "Panecillo". I told her about my ordering in the other cafe and that the work in Ingles was "Muffin". She started laughing. She pointed to a small fruit tart and said "Es un muffin!" We spent a few seconds pointing at different things and telling each other in our languages what the name was.

She then apologized and said that since she had already cut the cake, she could not take it back. I said it was ok, I would be happy to eat the lemon cake. I knew it was not in my cards to have an Inglese muffin (as she called it) any time soon.

Bracing for Culture Shock

2009-07-04T23:58:00.004-04:00

I have the feeling when I get back to Boston I am going to have a huge adjustment to make.
Not tango wise.
But life wise.

I have becoming very comfortable with sleeping until noon, eating dinner at 9, 10 or 11 at night and then staying out until 4 or 5 am.

Back home I am almost never hungry at 5 or 6pm, when most people serve dinner. This late night eating suits my system. And the whole relaxing at the table, lingering over coffee, needing to send up a flare for the waiter to bring you the check.
I love it.

I have the feeling when I get back to Boston the whole rush rush rush of life is going to be a bucket of cold water.

But, I'll enjoy this culture while I have it still.
:o)

Sticking it out to the end

2009-07-04T17:54:00.000-04:00

The same advice I give beginners who go to festivals seems to apply here at the regular milongas. Stick it out to the end. Seems I need to take my own advice.

Last night a group of us went to Canning, which is a beautiful room and has a really lovely energy. The floor is a fantastic, although slick, chevron parquet, and seems to be the perfect size. I really liked it there. We all sat at a table, ordered beverages, and started to scope the floor for potential partners. It became apparent that although there were quite a number of good dancers there, and a few name brands, it was going to be a tough night to get dances. Cabeceo was difficult for me. I had to laugh at times because I would focus on a leader I wanted to dance with, and watched him be focused on the follower he wanted. He’d seal that deal. So I would move my eyes to another leader. Same sequence. And so forth and so on. Luckily one of our group was a leader and he was lovely enough to dance with me several times which allowed me to both be seen and have some lovely fun tandas while waiting.

Finally, around 2:40am I started getting really good dances. The room had cleared quite a bit, and the leaders I had been looking at were finally looking around. The last hour and a half I had one great dance after another. When the milonga was ending around 4am, I went home happy.

It is really hard to stick it out. I know. Keeping that up energy and smile is at times torturous. Luckily my tablemates were all lovely friends and conversation was rarely lacking when some of us were sitting. So make sure you go with friends to the tougher milongas so that you will not have to amuse yourself while waiting. But waiting to the end, until a good dancer is willing to take a chance at the end of the night can pay off big time for you. The other dancers are better able to see because there are fewer people and they watch the expression and interaction between you (the unknown) and your partner (a known quality).

Hidden Gem

2009-06-26T18:02:00.004-04:00

An absolute MUST visit when you come to Buenos Aires is Palacio Barolo in the heart of the city, not too far from the Obelisco on Ave de Mayo 1370. It is a gorgeous old building, built as a tribute to Dante and his Divine Comedies. The lower floors are put forth as, although not evocative of ;o), of "hell", you then travel up through "Purgatory" to the top most floors - "heaven" and there is a light house at the top that is representative of "God". The tour is about an hour and is well worth the 20$ pesos to walk through this amazing building, built, by the way, by Masons, so there are Masonic symbols in various areas. The architecture and the details in the building are breathtaking and awe inspiring. The elevators alone are worth the trip!

When you reach the end of "purgatory" and enter "heaven" there are tiny little balconies, barely big enough for two slender people, to look out over Buenos Aires in 360 degrees. We were luck and went on a fairly clear day and could see for miles.

I, being me, naturally did not bring a camera with me.... true Sagittarian that I am, and so the web site's pictures will have to suffice to entice you there. Believe it, it is well worth the visit.

News Flash!!! Food Find!!!

2009-06-23T20:58:00.005-04:00

Sorin and I just had the most delicious meal in Buenos Aires to date!!!

It is at the gorgeous Moroccan restaurant in Palermo, Bereber, on Armenia 1880 and Costa Rica. It is the first time we have both thoroughly enjoyed our meals at the same place. The menu was truly Moroccan, and it had vegetarian options, which made me very happy. I am not vegetarian, however I have such restrictions on food, that to go to a restuarant and have options makes me a happy camper in all aspects.

I had this amazing dish of goat cheese and nut stuffed grape leaves, steamed with couscous, tomato sauce, raisins and whole spices in a earthernware pot.

Sorin had possibly the most beautiful plate of food I have seen in awhile. Lamb medallions cooked with fresh herbs, and in the center home made pita chips glazed with honey sauce and a mixture of fresh veggies and goat cheese. Here's a clue how good it was, the meat was rare, and I mean blood red cool in the middle, and Sorin likes his meat well done, but he did not send it back, he ate almost all of it.

And the bread..... that bowl in the center of the table which was served with your meal, I did not even discover until I had all this sauce and stray couscous and needed some way to get it in my mouth.... it was fantastic. Soft, savory, with poppyseeds baked in for a slight crunch.

So if you are in Buenos Aires right now, or in the forseeable future, make a note of this place and GO! You will not be sorry you did!

Continued adventures

2009-06-23T17:39:00.003-04:00

So, after a couple of days struggling with a massive allergy and asthma attack, I prescribed prednisone and antibiotics for myself and am feeling much better. So today I went exploring Barrio Chino with the lovely Ms. Jolie and her charming daughter, who immediately won my heart as she reminded me so very much of my goddaughter at that age, whom I miss incredibly.

Although the Barrio is really just one street, it was like heaven to me food wise. Here was everything I had been missing! Soy milk! Soy products! Goat Cheese! Fresh fish with clear bright eyes nestled on ice! Peanut butter! Piles and piles of fresh herbs! I really should know by now that no matter where I travel to, I need to find the ChinaTown and do my food shopping there. The days to go to Barrio Chino, according to one of my local fonts of wisdom, Ms Jolie, is Tuesday. Mondays they are closed and Tuesday everything is fresh. It was lovely. We nosed through rows and rows of spices, pickled veggies, and packages of unknown contents because our Mandarin is rather lacking. But every eisle I would exclaim and happily pluck something from a shelf. From this day forth, every Tuesday afternoon I can be found in Barrio Chino purchasing the food for the week. As we speak I am enjoying a cafe con soja leche, and it is wonderful. The Soja Leche was 3,50$ pesos for a liter.

I have not danced since Saturday due to the aforementioned issues with breathing, and I think I am not going to push myself tonight, but tomorrow I will be revisiting Sueno Porteno in Bodeo. I went last week with two chicas and we had a grand time. It is a traditional milonga, but with a relaxed twist. Everyone is seated together, no separation of men and women, and it is acceptable to approach someone for a dance. Cabeceo is also used, but not as much because there are three dance floors and the seating is sort of wrapped around the center stair case, which is enclosed. Yes, three dance floors, all on the same level. Two of them are really connected by a short divider in the middle of the floor, and the third is sort of over in Timbuktu, but it seems to be a safe place to go if you (meaning a leader) want to do some more athletic moves (boleos, volcadas, etc) that one would not normally lead in a traditional dance floor. I had some fantastic dances and really enjoyed being with my two friends. So if you are interested in a relazed, traditional atmosphere, this seems to be the ideal place to go.

One view point

2009-06-19T18:41:00.003-04:00

I have been asked since I came here by several people why I like dancing with the old men.
How to give body to the intangible. The explanations and quantification of dancing with the old portenos vs the new generation. Both have their merits, I enjoy both immensely, and yet my preferences align with the old men.

This is not to say that there are not young men who are filling in the porteno circle, they are capturing the same feeling that the older generation emits, and they are good. But the old men are great. Not because of what they do or don't do, per se, but more because of who they are. They are tango. Not only do they know every note of every layer of every song, and seamlessly move from layer to layer when dancing, but most of them (perhaps all) saw the maestros when they were young. One porteno I danced with told me that his papa brought him to see DiSarli play in the 1940's. He was 8 and he listened to the Maestro and watched his papa dance the whole night. The very next day he demanded his father teach him to dance tango. He has been dancing ever since.

This is why their tango is so amazing. You are not just dancing with a man. You are dancing with history, with culture and with decades of understanding. These men know that tango is more than learning how to wrap your partner's leg around you every which way until Tuesday, they know that it is about connections. Connections with the music, with your partner, with the other dancers with whom you share the dance floor. It is about making the absolute most of the next 10, 12, 15 minutes because that is all you have together. They may invite you to dance again later that night, or another night, but it will be a different moment then, different connections. They are instead focused on the here. The now. The present. The moment.

These men learned tango when the world was at war, and I can not help but think that this sense of "Live for today, for tomorrow may never come" is infused in their dance. It is this infusion that makes dancing with them so very sweet. The athleticism that is asked for when dancing with the younger generation is never requested from the older. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy dancing with the younger crowd, I enjoy the different tango that they offer and share. But it is just that, a different tango, a different dance to me. The tango of the portenos is what has captivated me here most of all, dancing with an era long gone by and yet still very much alive.

Random Observations

2009-06-18T21:46:00.005-04:00

Buenos Aires is unlike any city I have ever been to. Not that I have traveled extensively, I have not, a situation I hope to remedy soon....

However, I am constantly aware that I am in another section of the world. Every day there are a myriad of things or events that enforce this. For example, I buy my eggs, fruit and vegetables from some Peruvians who do business from a hole in the wall. Literally. There is a hole in the wall of a building and they have set up shop there. The prices are three times less than the market, and the quality is a hundred times better. Although everything is straight from the farm, unwashed, so I have to wash everything very well when I get home. They speak no English, and apparently my accent is too thick for them to decipher, so we have a game of charades every couple of days. It was very funny the first few times when I would point at some vegetable and say "Como se dice?" They would rapid fire say it, I would ask them to write it down, I would repeat it, they would laugh and bag it up for me. I also always give them whatever centavos the amount comes to. If it is 5 pesos, 50 centavos, I give them the coinage. And since I have been doing that, they give me better veggies. I also bring my own egg cartons to them, and they give me bigger eggs. It is a reciprocal society here.

Some things that have struck me about this city, be they good or bad or indifferent.

Dog poop. Let's just start with my one biggest complaint about this city. About 75% of the populace seem to own a dog. Of that, I would say 90% own a BIG dog. And there are BIG piles of poop everywhere. I walk every day around the different streets of Palermo, and I have come to master the looking down while looking up technique. I want to take in the buildings and the sights of my barrio, but I have to keep one eye on the ground so that I don't put one foot in a slippy pile of poop. Despite trash recepticles on every corner, no one picks up the poop. Yuck.

Perhaps because of the above, everyone washes their sidewalk in the mornings. It is lovely. I see all these folks out when I manage to get myself out before 11am, washing down their sidewalks, chatting with each other and making the front of their house look clean and neat. I love it.

Driving. I think that when I get back to the States, Sorin's driving will not give me one moment of concern in the passenger seat ever again. Being in a car here is an experience. The only speed limit is the limitations of your car. Those lovely straight lines that they paint in the streets? Decoration apparently. Headlights and blinkers come standard with every car but are optional for the user. You're in the right lane and realize you need to take a left? Now? 5 lanes over? No problem, take it! And pedestrians? You better be aware and fast. Pedestrians do not have any rights. In fact, I think that drivers consider them as much of a nuisance as those pesky traffic lights.

Weather - It is winter right now. And I am loving every single day of it. Sunny most of the time, in almost three weeks we have had 2 days of overcast weather. Most days it has been 60-ish degrees during the day and at night the coldest it has been was around 45 degrees. This is a winter I can handle. Although I have to laugh every time someone tells me "Manana sera el frio." I have to say "Not to me, to me it is lovely."

Time is a fluid thing. Oh so very true. Nothing ever starts on time. Nothing. Every class I have gone to has started between 15 and 30 minutes late. And it is no issue, that is just the way it is. Almost 3 weeks in and I still show up on time, worried that the one time I come late, they will have started on time. This, I think, will never happen. And restaurants? Dinner service starts around 8:30 at the earliest. Three of us went to a really good Argentinean BBQ restaurant at 7:30 starving, hoping for dinner before a class. The waiter looked aggravated with us, and told us we were very early, but we could order wine and drink until the kitchen was ready to serve. True to form, one hour later we got our dinners. It is just the way it is here. In the States the expectation is that the kitchen makes it self ready for the patrons, here, the patrons wait for the kitchen to make itself ready. A few shops that I have gone into when I ask what time they open in the morning the response invariably is "Mas o menos 11 o 11:30." There is no exact time, there is Mas o Menos.

Speaking Spanish. Or, more precisely, Castellano. You really really really do need to have a basic grasp on Spanish when you come here. I brushed up before coming with a computer program, which was helpful, but since I was not using it every day, I was still rusty. After almost three weeks here, I am comfortable with basic conversation skills. I can hear the language better, and I have stopped saying "Mas despacio, por favor" to all but the really machine gun talkers. The woman at the bakery across the street complimented me this morning on the fact that I ordered and answered her questions perfectly. She said that I had been coming in for weeks now, and today I did not look confused or slightly lost when talking. Whoo hoo! I even answered a woman on the street where Calle Costa Rica was. She did not believe me. And asked someone else, who told her the same thing as me. ha!
But really, if you come here, learn Spanish. It makes things so much easier. Especially when dancing. The younger generation speak some English, but the older generations do not. And standing there in silence in between songs can be painful. Whereas if you can hold a basic conversation, with or without charades, it makes it much more enjoyable.

The tango. What can I say. It is amazing here. Not that everyone here is amazing, that is far from the case. There are the exact same characters here that you know from your local scene. It is just that there are thousands of them here instead of dozens or hundreds. The main thing is that whatever you prefer, whatever style you like, you have options every night of where to go. Very quickly I realized that I much prefer the more traditional milongas. And Sorin prefers the younger generation's milongas. So, we go where we are happy, and then we confer at 3am and hear how the other's night went. Folks are amazed at this. I have been asked multiple times when dancing "Donde es su novio?" I'll reply that he is at Villa Malcolm or La Viruta and they ask how it is that he allows me to go out without him. My answer "Well, actually, it is I that allows him to go out without me." That always gets a huge laugh.

My name is apparently difficult to hear and say here. Especially for the older generation. It is not a name most if not all of the people I meet have ever heard, and they can not pronounce it. I have given up introducing myself as Debbi, and I try Deborah. That sometimes works. But not usually. One gentleman at a milonga decided my name was too difficult, and called me RedHead. He even introduced me as The RedHead to his friends when we stopped in between songs at his table. So at this milonga, I am known as The RedHead. Which I find hilarious. And I am told by a friend who lives here that it is a compliment when the milongueros give you a nickname, and it is very common that they chose a physical feature to name you by. Be it your height, weight, nationality, or, apparently, hair color. I had one octagenarian tell me that he prefers blondes, but redheads are his second favorite. What could I do but laugh at that?! :o)

Speaking of which. Hair. I have never had such great hair days in my entire life. Seriously. This may sound shallow, but I am amazed that my hair is behaving so incredibly well. I don't know if it is the air, the water or the Argentine shampoo and conditioner I bought, but really and truly, my hair is curling perfectly and behaving gorgeously every. single. day. It is unreal. It may be a reason to move here.

Destination Unknown

2009-06-18T14:28:00.002-04:00

My friend Sally wrote this wonderful story for a travel journal in Britian - and I have to share it with you. I know exactly what she is writing about, and I think you may too....

http://www.bradt-travelguides.com/infopage.asp?PageID=108

More from me soon.....
:o)

Well done Sally!

BA to date

2009-06-17T10:04:00.004-04:00

So far, it has been a good trip, there are things I really like, things that amuse me, and some things that I don't like at all. All of the above is subject to change without notice however.... ;o)

I have to say that I really really love the traditional milongas. The vibe is great, whether I am at a large table of new friends or a small table with a couple of friends, I like the atmosphere. And I like cabeceo. It took me exactly two nights to get it down, it is not hard at all, I just had to get over my North American training that staring is rude. It is. Unless you are in a milonga! :o)
I have had some amzaing dances with men who have been dancing 50, 60, 65+ years. There are no volcadas, colgadas, no -adas period. But their musicality is amazing. They know every note of every layer of every song, and they will dance on whatever note they most fancy. Most will sing or hum to their partner, which I find incredibly sweet. The embrace is firm, yes, but completely unrestrictive. I can pivot very easily, although dissassociation is an absolute must when dancing with them. And I can actually feel them dancing not only with me, but with those around us. Navigation is not even an issue. I have also danced with several young "old milongueros" in-training, and it is nice to see the traditions being passed down.

I thought that perhaps in dancing with the milongueros, I would have to become "passive" again, give up being active. And that is not the case at all. As with all leaders, active following may or may not be welcome. But I did find that those leaders who have a sense of playfulness in their dance welcome an active follower, and in fact, will up the ante on you! It is great, and challenging, because one has to become active without a large "vocabulary"- it is mostly in embelishments and musical phrasing.

The Young Generation milongas. These are extremely tough, at least for me they have been. The younger generation milongas, Villa Malcolm, La Viruta, Praktika8 - are more of a social outing for friends. People arrive in a group, or quickly attach themselves to a group dance with each other and sit together as a "pod" for the whole night. Most of my experience is that they really do close ranks around each other and rarely look around the room for anyone else to dance with. This is not to say that there are not individuals sitting with an open body language for dancing, there are. Unfortunately, the good individual dancers are all trying to get the attention of the really good dancers in the pods. I have had some good dances at the younger milongas, but they are usually about an hour or more apart. And I find it extremely taxing to sit for hours, look interested, look interesting, and not turn into what Sorin calls "The Mona Lisa" - where I get a slightly bemused, tiny smile, cross hands in my lap, and look vaguely distant. Mostly this happens when I have been sitting for a long time and I am trying hard not to yawn or glaze over.

It is tougher for me at the younger milongas, plus, everyone tell me to wait it out, eventually they will dance with me after they have seen me for a few weeks. But you know, my reaction to that is why bother? Why would I sit and sit and sit for weeks, dancing two or three tandas a night, hoping that I will soon be seen as interesting enough to break away from a pod and dance with when I can go to a traditional milonga and have great dances all night? Granted, no one at the traditional milonga will ever compliment my boleos as none of them would ever lead one, but that is ok with me. I am led in many boleos in class.

Classes. I am taking classes at DNI. And you know, I really like them. Even though they are a nuevo school. Why? Why would I like nuevo style classes when I prefer to dance milonguero? Because they trick you at DNI into learning technique. I love it. They teach a sequence part by part, they talk about body posture, foot placement, foot technique, weight transfer. They go around to everyone and help you with the technique of the sequence. And if you are paying attention, you learn technique that will help you in your entire dance. Sneaky sneaky. I have had two conversations now with leaders in the classes who were complaining that the sequencec they have learned they will never use on the dance floor, and I have asked if they would use this section of the sequence, or did they find that using this posture for the orcho cortada was helpful, and they agreed and then went back to their original assertion that the sequence was unusable. I had to laugh. But as long as they keep coming back and keep learning the technique that is hidden in the steps, they will do fine.

So that is it for now with tango. I will write another post soon about non-tango reflections (food, shopping, pollution, the city, etc).

Oh, and for those who are interested, I have already exceeded my shoe quota of 3 by one. But in my defense the 4th pair were actually very inexpensive and comfortable ($200 pesos - about $55 USD) so in my mind, they don't really count..... ;o)

I SO get it now!

2009-06-11T22:43:00.003-04:00

I got it a little at Los Consagrados this past weekend. But I REALLY got it tonight at El Beso!
By "it" I mean that elusive "Argentinean" thing that everyone talks about and swoons over. I had tanda after tanda of it tonight.

Every dance was different, as was every embrace, and yet most of the embraces shared a common quality of Care. Regard. Connection. Each man I danced with made me feel as though I was the only woman they were going to dance with that night so they wanted to make it count. I got this from the 80 year old as well as the 28 year old.

I danced for hours tonight, and everyone I danced with was a porteno. I was not expecting that for some reason, but there you have it. Every one was musical in their own way. Some had a vocabulary I could count on one hand. Others wove together intricacies in a way that meshed with the music that made me smile. Yet every single one I could follow with out hesitation and enjoyed dancing to what they were hearing and enjoying.

I can not really articulate better than that. I may be too close to the dances. Maybe in the light of morning I will have better words. But right now, all I have is...
Happy Feet
Happy Heart
Happy Head

coming round the bend...

2009-06-08T20:17:00.005-04:00

I did not come to Buenos Aires to be sick and in our apt constantly. But that has basically been this past week. My system was overthrown by allergies when I stepped off the plane (literally), and then I contracted some hideous sore throat/laryngitis/chest ailment. When I realized I was taking 4 or 5 hot showers a day in order to breathe, I e-mailed a friend of mind who is a prescribing RN and asked her what to get at the pharmacy, she told me, I got it, and after one dose I already feel loads better. It is funny, though, my morning line up with my tea is Vitamin C, Allergy pill, decongestant, antibiotic, and now a multi-vitamin with Iron because apparently it is difficult to get plain Iron supplements (according to the local pharmacist, and I was too tired to walk to another pharmacy to see if I could find it there).

So, tomorrow, I am determined to get back in the swing of things. It is depressing watching Sorin go out and then waking up to eagerly listen to his retelling of his night when he gets back just before dawn. I want to be going out too!! So, on the agenda for tomorrow, post-pills, is class at 2, shoe shopping with a new friend - we are going to go back and try to hit the stores that were closed when Sally and I went - and hopefully, hopefully, dancing at night. We'll see how I do after the class and shopping. I am hoping that I can get out to at least one milonga tomorrow night. I seem to do well at the trasitional milongas, at the younger/hipper milongas, I am not of much interest to the leaders there. So any suggestions of traditional milongas to hit in the beginning of the week are very welcome!

Cross your fingers for me that I am out of the weeds!

On the plus side, I have been taking short excursions when I am feeling on an upswing around our neighborhood, and there is so much here that is interesting! The buildings, the shops, the people, the artisans, then there is the bakery diagonally across from our building.... oh.... the smells in there! Thank fully I can only eat their bread, their pastry displays are so gorgeous you just want to gobble them up, and when I bring Sorin media-lunas from them, they get devoured within seconds. It is funny, this is one of the few places I do not have to play the centavos dance with. Most places ask you for exact change because of the shortage here. But at the bakery, they don't even ask you, they just give you the coins. It is amazing. I plan to start using the Subte and Collectivo, so I have started hoarding my coins. I even bought a cute little coin purse from one of the weekend plaza fair artisans.

Although so far, my favorite has been the cat. We have this golden and orange eyed cat that lives in the apartment beneath and across from us, and every morning she is on the porch roof meowing in Castellano. You think I joke. I am not. She meows in a way that is very un-cat like. I will video her one morning and post it because she cracks us up, especially when she is particularly intent of telling us about her day.

So far, what little I have seen of Buenos Aires, I like very much. And I am looking forward to seeing more and more in the coming weeks.

:o)

U-turn. We are back on the road folks!

2009-06-06T22:11:00.003-04:00

Today was more like it!

I went shoe shopping with the ever lovely Sally. I had such a blast tooling around Recoleta with her. First stop was, naturally, Comme il Faut. Where I first bought shoes for friends, and then got down to business. Me. hee hee. I told the girl who was helping me size 37, peep toe and color. Green. Blue. Red. Purple. She brought out a stack of boxes, and Sally and I immediately both gravitated to this gorgeous lime green suede pair of retro style sling backs. I think I might have drooled a little. I turned them around in my hands, admiring the details and the supple feel of suede. Then I eagerly put it on one foot. Curses! My heel was hanging over the edge. The girl immediately popped in back and brought out a 38. Again, eagerly slide my foot into one. This one was too big. Was I to be Goldilocks this afternoon?!?!? The girl cocked her head to the side, looked me over, and said "Uno momento" and came back with the absolutely perfect pair for me. Black satin with a high heel cage and just a touch of sparkle down the center of the heel cage. This time, I actually drooled. I wasted no time admiring, I slipped those puppies on. Stood up. Perfection. I asked Sally her thoughts, she approved, and I turned to the girl and said "Esta bien! Finito!" She laughed, scooped up my treasures, and went off to the register with three boxes and one credit card. Sally turned around and was surprised to see I was finished and ready to go. Apparently, most people try on 5,000 pairs and can't make up their mind. But I knew it when I wore them, so why try on more?

We walked around Recoleta, looking into the closed shops. Apparently everyone closed down for the futbol game today. It was a little disappointing, only getting to go to one of the shops I wanted to, but that just means I will spend my money a different day, it was not meant to be. And instead Sally and I walked and talked and had a grand time.

And tonight. Tonight was wonderful. I met another blog queen whom I felt I already knew, the effervescent Cherie. We joined Sally, My friend Caro, and Cherie and Ruben and their other guests at Consagrados. Ruben was ebullient, Cherie was grace incarnate, and everyone was so welcoming. And I danced. Can I say this again? I danced. It was wonderful. I danced with locals, I danced with visitors, I danced with Sorin, and the highlight of my night, I danced with Ruben. The cabeceo is still tricky for me, I did alright sometimes, and other times Ruben or Sally would bring my attention to someone who was trying hard to get my attention. I'll get used to it soon I think.

There were no rock stars there, and almost every dance I had was lovely. Some were challenging, some were comfortable, some were playful. It was exactly what I needed after last night. And I can't wait to go back.

My health continues to give me the finger however. I developed a raging sore throat, and by the end of the milonga, my voice was well past sexy film noir star and into 55 packs a day. So instead of continuing on, I am home, resting, with a mug of tea. I am hoping that with enough advil and tea, I'll be fine in a day.

My other highlight - I had an entire conversation with my taxi driver back to the apartment. Granted, there were some miming, I did say "mas despacio por favor" multiple times, as well as "commo se dice...." but a basic conversation we did have about tango, Buenos Aires, futbol (there was apparently a huge game today) and Carlos Gardel.

My detour is over. I'm back on the road folks!

Down, but not beaten!

2009-06-06T01:23:00.004-04:00

It is very humbling to sit for hours on end and leave before the end of a milonga because you are too pissy to dance with anyone.

I still remember vividly as a beginner, sitting and sitting and sitting, and being told to smile and smile and smile until I thought that my face would crack into a million fissures. I am back there. I had better luck at the traditional milongas. Spent hours sitting at Villa Malcolm, danced only with Sorin, and could not get a cabeceo returned to save my life. I thought about trying to cabeceo cross eyed for the last hour. Maybe that would make a difference. I was sitting with a new friend, and she managed to cabeceo a guy whom I could not get to hold my glance if I had sent up a flare and stripped to my panties. Don't get me wrong, I truly was thrilled for her, it was her first cabeceo, and it made her night. But that was the last straw for me. My fissures were showing.

Since it was on the way home, I stopped at La Viruta. It was packed, the music was not really to my liking, and after what seemed like 5 years, I realized it was not going to happen. Everyone there already knew everyone else, and the "kids table" did not look promising in the least. Plus I know myself, I do not do well in rooms where I do not know a soul. And walking in without a good mood does not help matters. So I left. Without dancing.

Despite all this though, I am determined. I know it takes time, and I have lots of that. I will keep taking classes where I am being challenged. I will keep going to milongas and doing my best to keep the fissures from showing. And eventually, I will crack the cabeceo code. Hell, I figured out the DaVinci Code in abut 8 chapters, so the cabeceo code can not be that much harder! ;o)

first post from BA

2009-06-04T11:48:00.006-04:00

Well, we arrived in Buenos Aires safe and sound after an exruciating 14 hour flight. I got maybe 2 hours sleep and Sorin got none. So you can image our relief to get off that plane! The ride to the apartment was fun, apparently things like speed limits, lane markings, signs, and just about everything that goes along with driving is more of a suggestion, and a weak one at that.... But no one seems to have problems. Everyone drives like they are a bat out of hell, so everyone knows that the other drivers are as crazy as they are. It works. But I won't be getting behind a wheel any time soon!

So, we get off the plane, and my allergies go haywire. I was miserable. I thought for sure they would refuse me entrance through customs because I looked a wreck, I figured they would point and yell "Swine Flu!!!" but it was fine. They had this high tech infa-red device that shows any hot spots on your body. I went through no issues. Well, no swine issues, I was still a mess. And it just got worse and worse - I was popping Benadryl like it was candy and it barely helped. I was so upset and nervous that this would be my two months in BA - incapacitated by alergies. Well, yesterday I went to the Farmacia, and manage to try to communicate my problems. They gave me some wonder pills that work beautifully. It is also good to know that if I develop a sinus infection, I can purchase antibiotics without a prescription.

Tuesday night I was planning on going to Praktika 8 with Sorin, but I was such a mess, I just stayed in bed. So yesterday was my first dance in BA. In the afternoon we went to Confiteria Ideal, it was so sweet. It was full old old couples dancing. I enjoyed watching them, it was lovely. Sorin and I danced a few tandas, so my first dance in BA were at a historic milonga setting with the man I love. Could it be better? :o)

Last night we went to El Beso, and I think it was not so bad for a first time out. Once all the regulars danced with all their regulars, they branched out and I had some nice dances, and one really great dance. It was tough to sit and sit and sit and smile and smile until interest turned my way. But I was lucky to be sitting with friends, one new and one old, who I could chat with while I waited and waited. I danced more than I expected to.

Changing it up

2009-05-12T10:56:00.003-04:00

The last few practicas I have been practicing with an elusive leader whom I thoroughly enjoy dancing with. He is one of those challenging and thoroughly enjoyable leads, where each time we dance together, I get a little bit better and have a huge grin plastered over my face.

He gave me a compliment on my boleos last week, that just made my day. Then last night he offered a bit of feedback where I might want to try a slightly different style of back boleo to add to my arsenal. Actually, to create an arsenal, my back boleo was really only done in one way, I would just vary the speed and timing of it, but I had always done it one way. He thought I had good control and presence in what I already do, but he has a new favorite style of back boleo, which is basically a linear boleo with contra body movement, the knees are not nestled into each other, and it creates a really nice stretch along the sides that feels really good as a follower. It is kind of sexy and elegant, I had seen professionals do it, but was not exactly sure how to do that myself. We practiced it and once I got it, I actually was really nice to have something different to add in depending on the music and the lead.
We talked about alternative ways of moving. To add in as a little spice. Change up the side step, the back hook, etc.

It's a new world again.

Lots to do
Lots to do

Are you there Leader? It's me. Follower.

2009-05-01T19:35:00.002-04:00

There is a phenomenon that I have witnessed in milongas where ever I go, and that is those people who dance for the watchers, not their partner. I have seen this on both sides of the embrace. I often wonder what it is that they find enjoyable about dancing for those who are not in the embrace with them. When you can visibly see the lack of connection, it makes me sad.

And recently I accepted a dance with one of these dancers. I had observed beforehand several telling signs that this leader was dancing for everyone but the follower. There were several flourished arm drops and embrace adjustments, there was a constant look about after completing several "advanced" patterns, and when close to those of us sitting, those complex patterns came out in full force, regardless of the music or follower's abilities.

Why did I accept a dance with this person?
Curiosity really.
I mean, curiosity did kill the cat, but satisfaction brought him back.
Only this was satisfaction in knowledge, not experience.

It was so bizarre, I could feel my leader's attention on everything but me. There was a void there between us, regardless of being in open or close embrace. There was a certain amount of "Look Ma! No Hands!" to the feel of the lead. And I have to admit, when I felt those complex patterns coming, I became rather active and tried to alter/slow down/offer something different. However nothing I did was heard. I felt bulldozed. So all I could do was a tip I read years ago in someone's tango blog (I feel bad not remembering who it was, if anyone knows, please give credit for me!), where instead of slowing down and becoming heavy, which makes a leader push you more at times, I decided to try to be highly responsive. I stepped a little further, a little faster, a little over pivoted, a little more than every lead.
That got my leader's attention, however not really in a good way. This I think was seen as a challenge, and suddenly I felt like Tango Dummy. I might have thrown down the gauntlet, but my leader was throwing down everything including the kitchen sink!

It was an incredibly unsatisfying dance. But it proved my thought that if it looks unpleasant from the outside, it most likely is unpleasant from the inside.

When it sounds too good to be true, that's because it is....

2009-04-20T20:01:00.005-04:00

We leave for Buenos Aires in a little over a month. I am nervous, excited, and until this morning, I thought I was completely prepared.
This morning I get an e-mail from the man whom I thought we had settled a rental agreement for his apartment with. Way back in February we met in Boston as he was visiting here, talked, agreed on dates and a price (which was a great price! He said he was only going to charge us just above what he pays, so he asked for $450USD a month. Let me emphasize that he set the price, but I did not argue it.), I gave him one month's rent as a deposit and I thought we were all set. Around March I get an e-mail from him saying that he had to stay in the apartment through the first week of June due to legal issues with his ex-wife, so we would have to find other accommodations for that time, and no, he would not pro-rate the rent for us. Aggravating, but deal-able. So I find a nice little loft in Belgrano for the first 8 days, sent him an e-mail telling him we found a place and we would see him at his place on June 8th. No response, but I was not exactly expecting one.

Flash forward to today. I wake up, and before I even have some coffee I open my e-mail. I see an e-mail from this guy titled "Re:apartment, maybe.... let's see....."
The basic gist of this month's e-mail was that he did not know when he would be able to rent the apartment to us, as he might have to stay longer, so don't get too excited about it, he would let us know if things changed and if the apartment became available. There was some berating of the price he rented to us, and how it was below the market value, etc. and that if we wanted to find someplace else he would recommend us to someone that he knows who rents rooms....

WTF?!?!?!?

I rented a whole apartment from you! You jerk!! I don't want you to recommend a room to us when you already have our money for your apartment!

Quick discussion with Sorin, who gets as aggravated as I am, and we decide to cancel renting from this guy. I decide to stop payment on the check. And I send an e-mail to this guy explaining how upset and disappointed we were, as we had an agreement to rent with him, and he was obviously trying to get out of it, so consider the deal off.
I have to admit, my Irish was up, so I also mentioned that I would have no problems telling people in the tango communities that I dance in about my dealings with him and that I would discourage anyone from renting from him. Which is what I would say to anyone who yanks my chain in any business dealings. Word of mouth is a strong force.

Well, the e-mail I got back from this guy changed me from aggravated to amused in 3.5 nanoseconds. He attacked my character, my dancing abilities, my looks, just about everything he could think of (and all mis-spelled, both Spanish and English. There is something about piss poor spelling and grammar that takes all the bite out of any retort. Turns a pit bull into a toothless daisy in my mind). He even threatened to attack us at the milongas in Buenos Aires, told Sorin that he would "teach him how the portenos really dance in the street". hum....

The e-mail is really long, but there is such meat there, that I have to share a small amount. I know this is out of context of the whole e-mail, but it will give you a taste of my amusement. This comes right after calling me a "Voluda" which I am guessing (and others supported) he probably meant Boluda... see how mis-spelling makes you a daisy instead of a meanie....

"Hey , shit happens ....as you will find out here soon NO DOUBT !! and it was never my intention to not rent the place for June and July but I need to stay longer for reasons that you would not understand or care about...like ever hear of family . Your response was rather extreme and you obviously are a self centered little bruha that thinks the world revolves around you..instead of being understanding and flexible , you reacted in a typical bitch Boston fashion !"

It was never his intention not to rent it to us... only for him to stay longer.... uhm..... well.... it sounds to me like he did not intend to rent it to us. He intended to stay in his apartment longer and let us figure out what we should do for a place to stay...
And I don't see what I should be understanding and flexible on an agreement to rent his property. I was already flexible once and paid for another place for the first 8 days, why should I be more accommodating to the point of not knowing when or if he could rent to us? And he wants to keep my money? If the place is not available - DON'T RENT IT!

And bruha? Maybe Bruja? Not sure though, my Spanish is not very good.... and being a typical Boston bitch, I would not want to correct it for him.....

He then goes on and on and on about how I can't dance, how portenoes will chew me up and spit me out, blah blah blah....

I'm just glad all this happened now and not when we got to BsAs and were in his "temple" as he called it.
Blargh....

I have to say though, this has not colored my view towards Buenos Aires or Argentineans at all. Because he is not Argentinean. He is Dutch. And when we were talking about the apartment in February, all he could do was warn me about how sly and backhanded Argentineans are, and how they would cheat me at every turn. Which is funny, because I know several Argentineans, and they are lovely people whom I enjoy a great deal. And one of whom e-mailed me about his apartment in BsAs and how we could rent it from him. And they are not the ones who dealt a crooked hand to me.....

Temptation vs Comfort Food

2009-04-14T12:51:00.003-04:00

This past weekend I was at the Yale Tango Festival. And I have to say, it was the most fun I have had to date at a festival. This very well may be because with every festival that I go to, I have gotten a teeny bit better and gotten to know more people, but even so, taking all aspects of the festival into account, I had an absolute blast.

And I came to a realization that I am rather at peace with. I've known for awhile that in a festival atmosphere, I am not a temptation. I am not the follower who is constantly in demand and leaders are saying "I want to dance with HER!". Which has been something I wanted to become. I think I might still want to become that, but I realized this time that I am instead Comfort Food. You know what you are going to get, its familiar, its enjoyable (I hope!!) and it is not a gamble.

I think I am good with this. At least for now anyways. I had multiple leaders come find me after they had an amazing tanda or set of tandas with Tempations and make mention that they asked me to dance because they just had a phenomenal set and they wanted something cozy and nice to come down from on high with. I kind of liked that. If I can't induce the high, then I certainly am good with being the gentle transition back to earth.

All things considered, this was the first time that I enjoyed every single dance that I had. And that has never happened before. I danced with some new people, two of whom were amazing. I danced with some people I have known for awhile and we had just never danced, and that was wonderful too. There were several people that I did not get to dance with, which was the one sad point, but they are all people that I see monthly or bi-monthly, so I know we will dance soon.

I feel sated. I feel good.
And it's been one day since the festival, one day without dancing, and I feel the need to dance.....
;o)

Ruminations

2009-03-11T14:18:00.004-04:00

There have been multiple excellent tango discussions that have happened recently, in milongas, at practicas, in our kitchen, that have had me ruminating for awhile. And I still don't have answers, I only have my opinions on the subjects, and I have to say, those opinions may change eventually, soon, or never. But I am coming to believe strongly that it is those diverse opinions that makes tango (as with all art forms) so interesting. I have stated before that if the only art hanging on the walls of the Boston Museum of Fine Art was Degas, I would go one, maybe twice, and never again. It is the diversity of expression that keeps me going back regularly. Same with tango.

One discussion - adaptation. I strongly believe that everyone should have a style, or feel about them. It is what makes them THEM in the dance. However, I also strongly believe that there has to be an adaptation between the two in those first few moments of the embrace. You need to find each other, adjust to each other, and find the connection. I do not agree with those who say that the follower must adapt to the leader, I feel that there should be a mutual adaptation. I am not saying that if the leader has a milonguero style that he should suddenly switch to nuevo, just that he (or she) should find their partner. I wish I had better terminology. I love words, I devour books, my vocabulary is not exactly shabby, but this is the best I can do to convey what I mean. As an example of not doing this, I absolutely hate, hate HATE it when a leader wraps his arms around me and is stepping before his right arm has settled on my back. I have to admit, there have been times when I have refused to step until the embrace is settled. This has caused confusion, irritation, and surprise from my partner. I appreciate that they love the music so much that they want to move, but they should appreciate finding me as their partner before they take that first step. Because I want to find them as well. And we should be enjoying the music together.

Another situation that came up were some requests for me to teach. Teach. Big word with few letters. In my professional life I teach, and it is hard work, challenging, and often amazingly rewarding. But I am teaching subjects that I have worked in professionally for over 10 years. I started tango a little over 2 years ago, and I think it is safe to say that I started actually dancing about a year ago. Can I teach tango? Not in my mind. Do I want to? No. Not now, and I have no idea if ever. The responsibility is too big. I can work with people at practica and offer feedback as to what I think may be the problem, but teaching means more than offering feedback on what you think might be the issue. In my mind, you should be able to see how someone is moving, or not moving, and communicate the solution in a manner that the pupil will understand. Which might mean several different ways of explanation. You should be able to lead and follow. You do not need to be a fantastic dancer (although it helps), but you need to show what you are teaching clearly and easily.
There have been several instances where practicing with someone who was very influential in my formation as a dancer where the conversation went something like this:
"Why are you doing this-thing?"
"Because you told me to."
"When?"
"I don't know, about a year ago? You told me to always do this."
"Oh. Well, don't anymore. I no longer think that is the way to move/dance/embrace/etc."
Me silently (sometimes not so silently)
"AAAAAAAaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!"
And then I have some rewiring to do. And I don't want to do that to someone. Tell them an absolute that will alter because I learned what should really be done later, and they now have it in muscle memory. I know tango theory and fashion change, but I think basics do not.
I have discovered that several people whom have danced for a short amount of time have decided to become teachers. And I have such mixed feelings about this that when they ask me what I think about their aspirations, eyes shining, confident I am going to gush affirmations, it is difficult for me to not shrug my shoulders as I say "Well, good luck, teaching is difficult."

Cool Tango Info Site

2009-02-24T17:30:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine has created this amazing new web site that gives you a world wide view of tango events!
www.KnowTango.com

Check it out! It is really amazing.... you can click on any place in the world and find out what miilongas, practicas, festivals, classes.... you name it... is near by. Along with all the pertinent information (times, dates, costs,etc.)

This is a brilliant idea whose time has finally come I think.

:o)

GULP

2009-01-29T15:33:00.001-05:00

Ticket purchased - to BsAs - Leave the US June 1st, arrive in BsAs June 2nd. Stay until July 31st. It's real. It's happening.... and my stomach is flip flopping!

Yes, you, Ms TB, on the west coast, you have a question?

2009-01-27T00:35:00.004-05:00

Tangobaby is interviewing people, and I adore how thoughtful she is about the interviews she has conducted so far - so I am threw my hat in her ring - and here are the results.

Here's "The Rules."

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions and link to me.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. I know that you and Red Shoes met through the Tango blogosphere, but you are both impassioned theatre professionals and seem like soul sisters, if I may add an observation. If you could collaborate on a dream theatre project with her, which one would it be? Give us juicy details of what it might look like and how your aesthetics would compliment each others. (Who knows, maybe it will come true?!)

You make me blush! But in racking my brains to come up with a project we could have fun with, I went to the classics (a trend with me), and I think one of the best challenge plays that we could work on together is Waiting for Godot. How do you make characters who never change clothes, never leave the stage, and nothing changes interesting for 2 hours?
I am a HUGE fan of lighting designers, they make what I do look good. They can also make things look bad, so I always work closely with them and we use our palettes together in a way that is harmonious (even when your end results is supposed to be unharmonious) – and enhances the environ of the characters. And from what little I have had the pleasure of glimpsing into her work, and knowing about her work (one of her Glasgow-ian fellow adventures is a student in my department where I teach!), I bet we would have a great collaboration! :o)

2. Looking back on your tango past, what has been the greatest unexpected gift from tango? What has been the biggest disappointment?

Wow, I have had to sit on this question for awhile…. And my past is not that deep! Only two years…. But I would have to say though, that the greatest unexpected gift has been the connections with people, some of which have translated off the dance floor. A whole new world of people has entered my realm, and I am grateful for them. Some of whom I have yet to meet!

The biggest disappointment??? I have yet to find it. And I think I am grateful for that as well, I tend to not brook deep disappointments well….

3. As a costume designer, what have been some of your favorite designs? What inspires you when you sit down to design? How many different disciplines do you draw from and who or what are some of your muses?

I take from everything and anything when I design. I post research images from the era if it is period, from folks that I find from that era that resonate with me, paintings that resonate with the feeling I want to give the character, pictures of my actors, swatches of fabric that have the feel, drape, look, etc., of what I want to use. If you just walked into my office, you would think that a library and fabric store had a whirlwind romance near my desk and draped bits and pieces of their affair around my work space.
I had an image from a Zulu warrior above me when I was designing Henry V, then there was the day I realized Eleanor Roosevelt was speaking to my Lady Augusta from The Importance of Being Ernest. If it speaks to me, I use it, sometime I never know what it has said, but I know it was important. Such as the image of Monet’s Geisha while designing Pinter’s “Betrayal” – to this day I don’t know what her impact was, but I know that she was impactful at the time.

Some of my favorite work has been that which has surprised me the most. Or productions I loved the most. There has yet to be a Shakespeare project I have not loved working on, but it is usually the supporting characters I have the most fun with, not the leads. The leads have to be “pretty” in what ever way that show calls for pretty. But for example, Emilia from Othello, how do you dress a woman who is married to a man whom she desperately wants to please, to the point of unthinking betrayal, even though he outwardly despises her? These are the challenges I love.

4. Besides dance and design, what other creative pursuits do you enjoy? Are there other artistic adventures you'd like to embark on but just don't have the time right now? What would be the next creative endeavour you'd like to undertake, if you could?

Most of my other pursuits are those of a more passive creative bent. I am a voracious reader, I am always reading multiple books. I have partially written one book based on my experiences working in intimate apparel that I have already titled “My Life as a Bra Queen”, I have written an unpublished children’s book about a beloved pet pug who has cancer and goes in for treatment (an effort to help children understand illness, no publishers were interested though). I used to write a lot more than I do now.
I also knit, nothing intricate or super difficult, but I find it very relaxing and kind of zen. I had to learn how to knit on a movie shoot where we needed garter ties and had none, so I stayed up one night making 8 pairs.

What I would absolutely love to do though, is learn how to paint. There is something so enticing about a prepped canvas and a drawer full of gorgeous pigments in oil…. I would love to be a painter and translate how I see. And now that I am typing this, perhaps this will be the next endeavor.

5. When you are feeling creative, what kinds of music do you listen to and why? Do you listen to tango music when you are designing?

Ha! No, I do not listen to tango music when working, I do listen to tango music often, Sorin has it on in the car, and I have a tango playlist on my ipod. But it depends on what I am working on as to what I listen to when I design, certain music inspires certain moods with me, and that can help with my process. I am a huge Annie Lenox fan, especially when I need a moody environment. Dar Williams for light hearted. I need a certain vibe around me, so the music helps along with posting inspiration around me. Inspiration could be art work, images, research images, and even words or phrases from the play itself or from me…. I had a question once posted above my desk when working on “The Bog of Cats” that was “If I was going to burn my house and kill my child on my jilted wedding day in order to punish the man I love, what sort of gown would I wear? Here is the answer:

Sting, David Bowie (old school Bowie), 30’s big band music, modern swing music, ABBA, David Gray, Ella Fitzgerald, Garbage, Elvis Costello, Sarah McLachlan…. These are all on my “working” play list on iTunes.
I have to say though, often the music does not seem to go with the design work. I remember listening to David Bowie a lot when working on Hamlet one summer…..

Basically, whatever gets the noggin boppin, is how I go.
:o)

Tales from the Other Side

2009-01-22T09:05:00.004-05:00

So, I have been attempting to lead for a couple of months now. I can say with confidence that I can almost walk. There is not much else I can do, but I am working on it, and I don't try anything in a milonga setting if I am not confident with it. Those lovely lovely followers who agree to let me lead them know this, and usually it turns out fine. I use dynamic changes and try to hit musical phrases so that it is not nap time for them.
And then one night recently I danced with the Willful Follower.

A song came on that I liked, the floor was basically open, so I grabbed her and off we went. Or should I say, off she went. This was the first time in my life where I encountered the following:
Leader - leads the follower to step back with her right foot.
Follower - executes a poorly supported back boleo followed by an even more poorly supported front boleo and steps forward into an ocho.
Leader - stunned silence, mute horror

It did not matter what I led, she did what she wanted, often in the opposite direction of where I was leading. Thank god no one was on the floor, or there might have been a blood trail. I had no idea what the hell to do. At one point I just stopped moving, she did all sorts of things around me, and I was thinking "Ok, maybe she's tired herself out now and we can walk" - nope. She was not like a toddler whom you can allow to stimulate themselves into exhaustion and nap time. Oh no, there were more surprises for the remainder of our dance time. I have to admit that I really wanted to say "Let me know when you are done and we can move forward." But instead I decided to stop moving at all and allowed her to whip herself into a froth around me.

I still don't know what I could have done to contain that energy, if anything.
But I do know that until I am a better leader, I will not be subjecting myself or any dance floor to that spectacle again.

Growing Pains

2009-01-08T08:50:00.003-05:00

As part of my quest for getting off this plateau, I asked for a private lesson with a visiting teacher whose in class advice really got me thinking. It was impromptu, I had not planned for one, but it seemed like a really good idea. And I think it was, or it will be, but unfortunately everything we worked on in the private seems to have completely screwed up my dancing. I can't dance right now. At all.

It was a good private. We talked about having "melting" embrace, no tension what so ever in the shoulders or back or arms. I apparently have a small amount which was so difficult to actively get rid of. As I thought about having no tension, I would get tense - round and round we go! sheesh..... We discussed posture and connection. Where to connect, how to connect, what to do if the connection from my leader is hard to find. He is against chest and belly connection, he wanted chest only, so we worked on my lifting my rib cage to find the connection. It worked well with him. Problem is, a good half of the leaders in my community like the belly connection - that will be interesting! Then he made a slight adjustment to my hip placement, turning them more under, I was slightly forward which made pivoting quickly a bit shaky at best. That was an amazing alteration, instantly everything was easier! Then we worked on stepping with power - this was the hardest of all. I was trying to do all of the above at once and felt like a new born foal. on roller skates. on a sheet of glass. I think it was too much. However it was all good feedback and helpful and all issues that I know I can work on.

Then the next day we go to my favorite milonga. And I was still a new born foal. only without the roller skates, but still on the sheet of glass. It was insanely frustrating. And I had such a hard time until the last hour when I said "F* it" and dropped everything I was trying to do and tried to just dance. I was able to enjoy the last couple of tandas I danced, although I was still aggravated with myself. In the car ride home, Sorin suggested i break down the work into segments, and work on them one at a time instead of trying to do everything at once. Doh! That would have been smart!

It's such a catch-22 sometimes. Medicine makes you better, however you have to deal with the bitter taste and funny face for awhile until it assimilates into your system.

New Year

2009-01-05T15:43:00.003-05:00

I have not written in awhile. It seemed like I was always going to regurgitate my dances, and that did not seem interesting at all. So I waited, and then stuff happened - life kept moving, and now it is the new year. And I feel inspired to write about a few things.

Tango Doldrums
I was in the tango doldrums, not depression really, because I still enjoyed very much going out and dancing regularly. But I felt like I hit a plateau. Kind of like a thin layer of Saran Wrap was keeping me inside my sphere and I could see that there was all this great stuff on the other side, but I could not figure out how to get through the saran wrap. I knew it was not a glass ceiling, I knew I could move forward, I just did not know how. I think one of the issues was I had not taken classes in awhile. A long while. I needed a challenge, and that challenged needed to be external, I was internalizing too much already. I still need a challenge. So my plan for the winter and spring is to take classes and privates (when I can afford them) and find some way to get over the hump. I am sure I will get there, as I am reassured that we all go through this. :-)

The best dance of my life - EVER
AND
Don't discount the old people.

New Years Eve in Providence was amazing. The picture above is from New Year's Eve. I had just the best time. Lots of friends, old and new, lots of food, lots of great music - and the best dance of my life bar none. Up until now I had a top 5 - I could not really rate them against each other, they were just all together in the top. Well, New Years Day, I had a tanda with a gentleman that blew them all out of the water. I had noticed a tiny older little couple on New Years Eve (I swear she was under 5' and he was maybe 5') dancing pretty much with each other only. I enjoyed watching them, and it was obvious that they had been dancing a long time together. They enjoyed each other and they just fit together. It was a pleasure to watch them.

New Years Day, late afternoon, he approached me and asked me to dance. I accepted gladly, I knew from watching him he was good, I was only concerned about the fact that in heels I was about 9 inches taller - in fact, he had a face full of cleavage, so we adjusted to a slight V and off we went. I would say in about 30 seconds he figured me out and then he amped it up. It was amazing. He had what I have been told is the Argentinean embrace - firm and solid yet unrestrictive. It was unpolished and yet elegant at the same time. It was incredibly musical and subtle. And although he was definitely in charge, he listened. A friend told me that I was grinning from ear to ear while we danced. I loved every second. When the tanda was over, I discovered he was Argentinean and had been dancing for over 30 years. He was an absolute gentleman and walked me back to my seat, where I sat for an entire tanda, just glowing.

Later that night, I confided to several women friends that I had just had the best dance of my life that night. One response I received was "Oh, he asked me, but I turned him down, I don't pay attention to the old people." You could have seen my tonsils my mouth was so far open. I responded with "Well, you can't dance for over 30 years and not be old...." She had a light bulb moment and realized that you can't discount old people.

Guerilla practica, but no guerilla leading.... ;-)

2008-11-25T14:17:00.003-05:00

We had a guerrilla style practica last night, which was quite fun. We went around to difference spaces and set up shop so to speak.
By the time we arrived at our last space, we had lost some of our group, and I looked around and realized we were 3 men and 6 women. whoops! So off came the stilettos and on went the sneakers and I practiced leading. The friends who allowed me to lead them were so lovely to put up with me! We did not do much, my vocabulary is pretty limited, but I tried to do what I could musically and I tried to give them moments that I knew I would have wanted to enjoy if I had been following. And I had a great time. It was interesting to dance with three different followers and realize their different strengths and how I needed to alter my lead accordingly. I got some good feedback as well, which was both confidence boosting and helpful in critique. The best compliment I got was that my walk was strong and my intent was clear. whoo hoo!

I also found that when I did not stress about the cross, it happened naturally, so I decided to stop thinking so hard when I knew I wanted to cross her, and it would just happen. So maybe 75% of the time the cross when through fluidly, which is a marked improvement of my last attempt at practicing the cross which happened, oh, say about 20% of the time. I am also doing better about watching the room and not falling into the follower default of watching my partner's core. As a leader, I need to be aware of her core, but watch the room! Luckily, I have never walked my partners into anything, thank whatever patron god of tango there is!

But it is really hard to switch from leader to follower immediately! I lead one of my favorite leaders, and then he led me, and man it was tough! My brain was sort of sparking, confused as to what was going on. It took me a whole song to settle into following. So until I get better, I need to give myself some time in between leading and following, otherwise I may end up looking like a short circuiting mess! ha!

So, feeling more confident about leading, even though I am still in open embrace right now. Next practica, I am thinking about trying to lead ochos.... Ai!
;-P

Tango Dis-Etiquette

2008-11-22T21:50:00.004-05:00

Sometimes people's behavior surprises me to the point of speechlessness. And I am always reminded of a very wise piece of advice given to me by one of my theatre professors, it was "Be sure you treat those whom you pass on the ladder to success well, because you will meet them again on your way down."

Not too long ago, at a milonga, I was sitting on the edge of a stage along with about 6 other women. The milonga was very follower heavy, and this space was certainly a good area to be seen, but it was also one of the few places with good air movement, and it was hot that night. So sitting there I struck up conversation with the women beside me, and we chatted of this that and whatever. Then a young Tango-HotShot-Wannabe came over and squeezed in beside me and the young lady I was chatting with. As he squeezed in, he started talking in a falsetto voice "Oh, none of us ladies are getting dances. Oh, won't someone come dance with us!" all the while flipping his hair and pushing his chest out. I was struck dumb by this flagrant taunting of women whom he apparently thought far below his swelling talent.

I have to admit, that I had seen this man climb over the past year or so in a nearby community to where he is, had been curious about dancing with him even though I thought him rather stuck on himself, but after this crude and rather cruel display, I no longer had any interest in dancing with him ever. I am sure he will never ask me, so I will never have the pleasure of saying No, Thank you. Who knows, perhaps he will go far now that he calls himself a teacher, but I know 7 women whose thoughts of him turned very dark one night, and I am guessing that none of us will ever take class with him, or give encouragement to others to take class with him. It just strikes me as a less than intelligent choice to mock those whom you feel are less than you, and are also your potential target group for teaching.

Taguerositos - or tiny cute tangueros

2008-11-18T14:34:00.004-05:00

From the minds of babes....

I can not claim to have found this first hand, instead I found it through another obsessed tango dancer. I just had to share it with all of you though. Too stinkin' cute! And imagine in 10 or 12 years when they are in early adulthood.... damn!

Practice makes Perfect?

2008-10-28T12:57:00.003-04:00

Took a really interesting workshop this weekend with Tomas Howlin on how to practice. Seems like a no-brainer, right? You work on something with someone until you get it right. But what is right? How do you get there? How do you know it is working? And how do you not rip off the head of your practice partner when they give you less than constructive feedback?

Interesting indeed.....

Sorin and I had been finding that we needed more constructive and communication based practice times together. I love him, I really really do, and there were times when I just wanted to kill him because of what he was telling me, what I perceived he was telling me, or what he was not telling me. And I have no doubt that it went both ways. Our common theme was he would give me feedback or instructions that would drive me insane, I would not get what he was saying, he did not know how to phrase whatever the elusive thing was that he wanted me to do, and then a month or two later, someone would mention to me that I should do A, B and C in order to properly do Z, and I would get it. Then I would ask Sorin why he could not tell me what so-and-so said.

You see how this goes. Round and round and round until we have two very frustrated dancers.

Tomas cut through all of that by encouraging body awareness and perception. How do you react when someone asks you a probing question? How should you react? How do you communicate what you feel/do/want? How many ways are you communicating it? How can you communicate it in different ways so your partner gets it? How can you listen to what they are telling you without focusing on what you want to tell them?

Really interesting thoughts.

Things that got me thinking.

We practiced an exercise on the different ways to interpret and react to and interact with our partners. How to adapt and communicate on both sides of the embrace. There were some ah-ha! moments...

There was one moment when we were exploring the different ways the leader communicated to the follower that they want to move in or out of close embrace. Sorin and I practiced it a bit, then Tomas asked how the communication went. I mentioned that I knew when Sorin wanted to slide in or out as his right arm would change position is a specific way that communicated to me that he was going to change the embrace. Sorin immediately disagreed that he was doing that. Which, naturally, made every one laugh. But later we talked about it, and instead of my getting defensive for what I perceived as a dismissal of my response to his actions, I said "This is what I feel from you, you do this and I know what to expect." His reaction was along the lines of this is only the first step in what I do to change the embrace, it is not how I change the embrace. My response was, but it is the first step, so it is what I feel first, so to me, it is how you begin to change the embrace.

And an ah-ha moment was born.

He heard what I was saying as valid, even though he thought he was doing something else. I heard that he felt that what he did after this moment was what changed the embrace, even though I felt something else first.

Tomas gave us some communication homework for the next time we practice. And I am thinking that maybe we might be better able to communicate in practice together and not get so quickly upset with each other.

It's quite a concept.
I am thinking that there is hope for us, that there will not be an obituary that states "Unfortunate and untimely deaths due to miscommunications in practicing colgadas."

things that make you say hummm....

2008-10-23T18:38:00.002-04:00

I was just told by one of my students that I can be scary. Apparently when actors or singers badly misbehave in fittings, I tend to look at them in a way that makes them shrivel up into husks of their former obnoxiousness. This makes my students cheer. But it apparently also makes them nervous when this look is directed near them.
I had no idea I did this.
How incredibly cool.

;-)

Comeback Trail

2008-10-21T13:35:00.003-04:00

Getting sick actually helped my tango. Believe it or not. Being forced to sideline myself for over a week, I was afraid that I would somehow have to struggle to get back to where I was before I got ill. Plus I was still sort of weak, pretty sure some of the weight I lost was muscle mass and fat - 5 lbs in 1 week, not too good for the body. Although great for the wardrobe! ;-)
Anyway, went dancing Friday and Sunday, and it was great. I felt connected, I felt musical, I felt leads, suggestions, and opportunities. It is the opportunities that makes me most excited. Sometimes when I feel what my leader is hearing in the music, and something else in the music inspires me, I am able to offer a little voice to the phrase, be it with embellishment or an active moment of suggestion from me, and I know there are other things that I do that I have no idea how to categorize them. It is so cool and exciting to do! But there is something really uplifting when these moments happen and Sorin whispers "nice!" in my ear, or my leader laughs a little or gives me a little squeeze to communicate enjoyment.
Although I have to be careful not to take over the lead, so I do them rarely. I did it once Friday night with someone I had never danced with and unfortunately I threw him completely off, he did not know how to react. He told me that he thought it was great, it just took him by surprise. I was chagrined as that is not a cool thing to do. I need to make sure that I am not only heard, but understood. I don't want to startle my leader.
So being ill allowed me time away, time to ruminate on things I had been working on, and allowed me to come back fresh, with a clean slate, and an eagerness to dance. I still have lots to work on, but having a brief respite was actually helpful.

So more practice with timing and communication, but this seems like something really wonderful to offer to play with.

Missed Connections

2008-10-13T13:00:00.004-04:00

I was supposed to go the the NYC festival this weekend, I had been looking forward to going as production at school was going to hit full force very soon and I would not have the time I do right now. Our plan was to leave Friday and drive down with friends. Wednesday I started to feel under the weather. Thursday I felt like crap, and was having a hard time breathing, and the stairs at work were killing me when normally I run up and down them all day. With reservations, I did go to practica on Thursday, but I did not dance. Sorin was DJing, and I had some things to give to some friends, so I went, but I sat aside, away from everyone, and watched. Friday morning, I knew it was all over. I was sick sick sick. I decided not to go, I did not know if I would recover in time to attend any of the milongas, I did not want to be ill in someone else's house, and I did not want to get anyone else ill. Even if I felt better by Sunday or Monday, there was no guarantee I would not infect someone, as I did not know if it was the flu or a cold or what it was. So I missed a weekend full of friends and dancing.
Which I was sad about. But now I am angry about.

I went dancing last Tuesday at my favorite milonga, and I heard yesterday from a friend who send me a lovely message about feeling better, and mentioned that so-and-so, who was at the Tuesday milonga, was just getting over something similar. Apparently this person went to the milonga feeling ill, but "well enough to dance."

If you are feeling under the weather - DO NOT GO DANCE!!! Even if you feel "well enough", you are probably going to infect those you dance with, and possibly those at the water table, or those you sit next to, or those you cough near. I should not have gone to practica at all on Thursday, but I promised to deliver something, so I went, and I tried my best to stay away from people. So yes, not the best idea, but I tried to minimize any damage to others.

I mean, close embrace, it is lovely, intimate, and, well close! You share breathing space. And if you have some germs looking to party in a new space, you share those too. And usually I prefer to do my partying with those who are not looking to invade my immune system.

So please, this is the season for all those crazy little germs, and festivals, so lets make sure to share connection, and not illness.

Pride AND Prejudice in Tango

2008-10-03T08:57:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I am amazed at the level of prejudice and arrogance that exists still today. And it's creepy little hold even extends to tango. Although I think what amazes me more is that people seem to think it is ok to voice these prejudices. Just don't voice them to me, because I have a tongue and I am not afraid to use it.

Recent conversation steamed me to the point of my Irish getting up into the stratosphere. It was said to me at a recent tango event, that they could not possibly dance with someone who was gay, and it was beyond their understanding why there should be a gay/lesbian practica. I was floored for about three seconds, and then asked them how on earth would they know if their partner was gay? Well, of course this person would know, they "would not be able to connect."

Bhuah?

Uhm, hate to tell you my friend, but you HAVE danced with a partner who plays for the other team, and you did not seem to mind one bit.

I simply said that I had danced with gay men, and gay women, and had simply marvelous connections. So that little statement does not hold water.

There was some persistence on the other person's part on how being gay in tango was an issue, and I just felt the need to stop being polite to this person in this conversation.

Why the hell does anyone think that someone's sexual alignment has anything to do with their ability to connect in the dance? It's absurd. And it pissed me off. Although what actually got my fuse lit was the fact that it was said to me in such an off-handed way, as though there was no doubt in this person's head that of course I would agree with them. And why would anyone want to keep the scope of our tango community limited? It's the same as saying "Oh, blondes should not dance tango, I just can't connect with them because I am sexually attracted to brunettes." It has no bearing whatsoever and just makes you sound like the exit side of a donkey.

The Last of the Longas....

2008-09-30T09:01:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was the last LongaMilonga in Providence. It was a bittersweet celebration. Hundreds of people came, laughed, danced, talked and celebrated a Milonga that had made a name for itself in the tango community.

I was determined to last until the end. I never had, I always lost my wind around 4am or so. But this night, I wanted to stay up to the bitter end. So I made sure to pace myself, made sure to make the night last. My dance card was full, I had a lovely night. A night that went all the way to 6am, and we were not the last ones standing. But, in order to safely drive home, we left. I felt good about it though, I did not feel as though we left too early. Which was the important thing.

It was slightly strange to look around, see all the faces both new and well known, and dance through the night, knowing that although there may be other events at PT, this will not happen again. It seemed sort of wrong to be having such a good time, and then I realized that actually it would have been wrong to not have a good time, being melancholy would not have helped anyone. Why mourn when you can celebrate! And that we did. I brought my camera with me, with every intention of photographing the moments that happened, but I was so in those moments, that to tear myself away to search for the camera and stand on the sidelines, seemed like a foreign concept. So I did not, and I just have my memories to go on. Which I rather like :-)

The night also brought back memories of my first LongaMilonga, where I sat most of the night and watched from the couches. It's a tough crowd, and one where beginners can certainly feel discouraged, which I remember distinctly feeling myself. Although it also lit a fire under my stilettos because I wanted to be one of the followers who was dancing all night. When you are placed in an environment where the enticement is how you dance, your embrace, and your connection - not your clothes, your shoes, your hair - it is a Darwin moment. And actually, your clothes, shoes and hair can work against you rather than for you! The reactions to that moment are varied, but it certainly is something that makes an impression. It is a little jarring to come from a community where one would dance a good portion of the night, for whatever reason, and be dropped into a situation where the rules are the same, but the stakes are different, higher. I had a couple of conversations during the height of LM with new dancers who just looked shell shocked. I tried to convey that this is part of the growing pain of tango, when you leave your comfort zone, where you are known, and jump into a larger pond, where you are not known yet and have to start all over in a sense in order to become known. Some seemed to have that fire in the back of their eyes that said "I want to get there!" and others who seemed to shrink back and yearn for their comfort zone. It was very interesting to be on the other side of that Festival Fear. For the LongaMilonga was sort of a mini festival in a way. I did not know how to tell them about overcoming that level, which looks like a solid rock face cliff. But I knew if they wanted to, they would find a way.

Overheard phrases and my interpretations

2008-09-22T16:36:00.004-04:00

Things overheard on my commute this morning

*Overheard phone conversation waiting for the train
"Are you sure that is what the results are? Is it possible that the test is a false positive? Should I come back in for more bloodwork or do you need more samples? I can't possibly have that!"

My interpretation. Man contracted something or other from someone other than his wife, and is desperate to not have to tell her. Instead, he would rather tell the entire platform of the 9:09am train. Can you say TMI?!

*On commuter rail, men behind me
"Well, Rebecca is 15 years younger than me, but still, that was not right."
Seatmate
"What do you mean?"
Man
"Well, she told me I lost the match because I am older and slower than her."
Seatmate
"Harsh."
Man
"Yea, hell of an apology! I mean, doesn't she care how it looks for her to win?!"

My interpretation
Wealthy older man is upset because his trophy wife is not playing by the rules and is confused why she is not being a trophy 24 hours a day. She had the audacity to beat him in a tennis match and then not apologize for winning. He is shocked and amazed. He is even more amazed that she thinks he is old. Seatmate knows about the wife's affair with the tennis instructor, but can't say anything because he's begun dating the Man's second ex-wife.

*Conversation between two girls behind me walking up Huntington Ave

"Well of course I did not do the reading! I had to go to Tommy's party this weekend, and there was just no time! I mean.... you know.... I had stuff to do, I can't be expected to drop everything to read three chapters! Ya know?"
Friend
"Mm-hm. But that was just awful that she called you on it in class! I mean, you know, half of us didn't do the reading... she did not have to pick on you!"
Girl
"I know! I wonder if my dad should call someone about that...."

My interpretation
Two girls had no idea that when they decided to go to college they would actually have to work and study because they have been getting by on charm and perfume for years now. They are so used to Daddy stomping on anyone who intrudes on their world with reality, that they don't know how to deal with reality now that they are immersed in it.

Some days I just love figuring out other people's issues... especially when they hang up all this dirty laundry for everyone to see!

Hey TangoBaby!

2008-09-17T12:56:00.007-04:00

Just because I know you would appreciate it.... Here is my first project for my costume production class this semester....

I am recreating this look from 1950's Dior......
I'll post my progress. I am so excited!

I am also taking a millinery class, so maybe I will make the little hat too.... ooooh!

Wonderful Oddness

2008-09-17T12:56:00.003-04:00

Last night was my happy milonga - Odd Tuesday. It was packed and it was wonderful. I had a great time, had lovely dances, and felt like I was moving rather well. There were new faces, favorite faces, and one famous face whom I did not realize was famous until today. Ah well. If we dance with the gods, will we realize that they are mortal? (That's my justification and I am stickin to it!)

I really and truly did not have one bad dance last night. I danced until I could not dance any more, until my feet were sore and numb at the same time. I needed that. The music was really good, the walls had new artwork that was interesting and beautiful, the air was just the right temperature - the planets aligned, the angels sang and somewhere a fairy was laughing.
Ok, maybe it was not quite that level of magic, but it was pretty darn close! The only thing that would have made it better was if it and I could have lasted longer.

I danced with a beginner who has been bitten by the tango bug, we talked music, we talked style, we talked about those moments of excitement when you get something elusive. I danced with someone I have not danced with in about 6 months, and it was really fun and made me realize that I miss dancing with him. I danced with a friend who just came back from BsAs, we talked about everything. And, of course, I danced with Sorin - which was possibly the best dance of the night. We connected, we communicated, and we had fun. What more can you ask for?

It is funny, a night like last night makes me happy and inspires me to keep growing and dancing, because I want more nights like that. Lately I have had some dances that made me feel all of my shortcomings. I don't believe that was intentional on the leader's behalf, it is just the way it went. I was being challenged in ways I did not yet know how to meet. Which both fires me up and dampens me down. It makes me want to get better so that I can meet the challenge. And it depresses me that I am not there yet. Where ever there is.

So now I am feeling inspired from both sides of the tango coin. From challenges I have not been able to meet, and from situations where I just felt like I was on top of the world.
Lucky me, I have two great events coming up in my home town - workshops with Felipe and Rosa and then in a little over a month - Tango de los Muertos!

It never stops.....
:-)

Back to the Beginning of Leading

2008-09-05T11:31:00.005-04:00

Thursday night I practiced leading with another beginner leader/experienced follower. It was fun to try to remember all that I had forgot, considering the last I lead was before my adventures in Tanglewood this summer. I'm having a hard time leading the cross in close embrace, but can do it in open. In fact, I can do more in open than in close at the moment. It seems I need more close embrace practice. But we had a blast, switching off leads, helping each other figure out why things were and were not working. And I had a small "whoosh" moment. The "whoosh" comes from a workshop I took with Mila and Korey, and it is a feeling that you share with your follower on a dynamic pivot or turn. They were doing it on steps that were far beyond my current leading skills. But what I did discover was a molinette lead to my left and as she took the final step forward, I led a fast pivot round on her left foot so that she would step forward to my right. And then I was so shocked that it worked, I inadvertently lead her to a back cross and ocho out of the move. Now if I can only figure out how I did that.... it would be cool! But that never happened again when I was thinking
about it. But I practiced the molinette and pivot combination a few times until I felt I had it sort of down, and I just felt so incredibly happy with it.

One tiny step forward onto the path. But it was a step forward, and for a follower, that is huge. ;-)

open to the possibilities

2008-08-25T13:10:00.005-04:00

There is something really great about discovering a connection with someone you dance with for the first time. Sometimes it is also the first time you meet them. Keeping yourself open to possibilities is one of the exciting aspects of tango as far as I am concerned. Yes, there are leaders whom I look forward to dancing with whenever we are at the same milonga, but finding new favorites is just as wonderful. In chatting with someone recently, they mentioned that they only dance with those whom they already know that they will have a good connection with. I found that so limiting and, well, bizarre. Because in order to find out that there was a good connection, there had to be a moment of discovery, so why cut yourself off from that opportunity?

This discovery happened twice to me this last weekend in Providence. I danced with someone I have seen before at different venues and cities, but for whatever reason we never danced before, so I was thrilled when he asked me to dance as I had liked watching him dance with others. And I danced with someone who was visiting from the other side of the country and I had never met before, but again, I had seen him dancing during the night and thought he would be awfully fun to dance with.

Both were great in completely different ways, and I was so happy to find two such wonderful new connections. There is that trill of excitement that runs through you during the first moment of the first dance as you find the connection in the embrace and realize that this was going to be wonderful. Hearing your leader's musicality, hearing what he hears in the music, offering what you hear and feel. And then creating the music together.

It doesn't really get much better than that. :-)

First real tango trauma

2008-08-24T12:23:00.004-04:00

So last night was the second to last LongaMilonga in Providence. An era is coming to an end.

I had a great time there, despite a tango injury. I decided to try giving myself pedicures, because my toe nails had bruises and scrapes on them from floorcraft collisions, and they were just not as pretty as I wanted. So I bit the bullet and bought some really pretty dark blood red nail polish and tried to pretty up my tootsies. Seemed to work. And last night, I was dancing with a particularly athletic leader, and felt a sharp pain in my left big toe from something or other that caused me to scrape my own foot. I thought not much on it and continued dancing. Although at the end of the song, my foot felt odd. I looked down, did not see anything, shrugged, and continued the tanda. Half way through this song however, my foot felt decidedly squishy. Like wet sand squishy. And a little painful too. I made it through the song, looked down again, did not see anything. Bent down this time, and saw that my toes were covered in blood. oops. Guess blood red was not the best choice for nail polish! Excused myself to the bathroom where I discovered that I had removed most of my toenail and it was barely hanging on. (Insert dance of uncomfortable heebie jeebies here. I certainly did, only my left leg was in the sink as I did it.)

Hoo boy. And of course, once I saw I was hurt, I started to feel pain. So I cleaned my foot and my shoe (oh! My shoe! Stained!) as best I could. Debated the brilliance of removing the toenail that was sort of hanging on. Decided I just could not bring myself to do that. Found a large band-aid, some gauze and tape and wrapped that sucker up tight. Hobbled back to the floor to find some sympathy from Sorin, and wondered what to do. I did not want to stop dancing, but wouldn't it be prudent to do so?

Got some Advil, took 4.

Thought some more about stopping.

Found my canvas jazz flats that I brought with me. Brought them over to my seat.
Looked at them.
Thought some more.
Slipped the left one on just to see how it would feel.
Slightly uncomfortable, but tolerable.

Milonga Sentimental by Otros Aires came on. One of my favorites....

Turned to Sorin and asked him to help me see if I could dance with my toe like this. He gave me a look and a laugh and said ok.

Didn't go too bad. Just could not raise on my toes, had to stay flat footed. OK. I could do this. So we danced the next tanda.

yea, could not really do this.

Sat down for awhile, foot propped up to stop the throbbing.

A friend who had just come back from BsAs asked me to dance later. His hip was acting up and he knew I had hurt my toe, so I figured we could still dance. It was fun, we had a good time, and then he very gently sandwiched my left foot and I just about jumped out of my skin.

sigh

So the tanda ended, I apologized for my stupid toe and I went to sit down for the rest of the milonga.

I find it amazing that something as small as a toenail can wreck such havoc on one's evening.

And of course, today is the good practica in Cambridge.... maybe if I take 4 Advil now and 4 again before we leave.......

Back in the Saddle Again

2008-08-18T10:12:00.002-04:00

5 weeks is a long time to go without tango. A long time. I did not realize just how much I was going to miss it, or how much I needed it. I always looked forward to dancing after a stressful day, as it released all the pent up energy and allowed me to relax. Well, the 5 weeks I was away were very stressful and I had no outlet. So I was amazed that I did not jump out of my own skin when I finally came home and went out to dance.

I thought I would have regressed more than I did. Don't get me wrong, I certainly did have a regression, and I am very aware of the areas that got soft, and it is upsetting. I was just having a break through in responsiveness due to the help of some wonderful leaders, and now my brain knows what we talked about, and my body is saying "whhhaaaat?" But the joy of dancing has been absolutely rediscovered.

I got home Wednesday afternoon and we went dancing that night. Just walking up the stairs, hearing the familiar strains of D'Arienzo float down to greet me, was almost enough. Opening the door to the studio allowed the music to envelop me, my first abrazo back. I felt the excitement of Christmas morning as a 4 year old. Changed shoes, and Sorin and I danced for, I don't know, three or four tandas. It was heaven. I settled into his embrace like I had never left, and off we went. A few missteps here and there, but who cares. We were dancing. The only thing that threw me that night was someone took my glasses by accident, so I had no vision and was fearful of snubbing people because I could not see them. At all. Luckily this is not a cabaceo heavy milonga, so as forms came towards me I could recognize their shapes. I had wonderful dances, and a great time despite the lack of vision. Luckily, I got my glasses back on Saturday night from the woman who took them. She just grabbed them and left, as she is one of the lucky few who does not need glasses to see. If she had put them on, she would have immediately known they were not hers since I am blind and she apparently is not. But it was a couple of worrisome days without them.
But I left floating, which has not happened in awhile. Not because my world was rocked, but because I had danced and danced well despite my hiatus. And it was so lovely to have so many people say "You're back! We missed you!"

Thursday's practica was also good as Sorin and I worked together the whole night. He was called selfish by another leader, but hey! We had not danced with each other in so long, I think we are allowed a night together! And Sunday's practica we worked together for an hour as well, and my stubborn streak resurfaced to butt heads with his stubborn streak. Luckily, we were saved by one of my favorite milongas. I heard it start and I said "This is one of my favorite milongas, could we just dance this one?" We did, it was great fun, and then arguing about colgada leads seemed so silly. I danced the last tanda of the evening with a friend, who asked how long I had been away. Her response was "5 weeks?!?! You poor thing! 5 weeks without tango.... I couldn't do that!"

And now I know, although I could, I don't want to.

Wow.....

2008-08-13T17:00:00.001-04:00

It's a small world, and words travel far....

http://www.montreal-city.info/tango_montreal.php

I am incredibly flattered by this. It made my day!

:-)

40 Days and Nights.....

2008-08-12T16:17:00.005-04:00

Today is my fortieth day in the Berkshires. I leave on the 41st. It has rained every day that I have been here. I am ready to be dry again.....
It was a challenging gig. On all counts. And it is over tomorrow.
Thank god.

I am tired, and I want to go home.

I want to sleep in my bed next to my man.
I want a shower that is not the gathering place for the house spiders.
I want to not be aggravated by directors who refuse to understand the difference between conceptual art and practical costumes.
I want to go dancing.

Although, I did get to dance for a fraction at one of the crew parties. If any of you know theatre folk... you know what crew parties can get like.... but there we all were, 12 or so of us, 8or so bottles of wine and a case of the local brew, and someone threw on a CD of swing music. My friend and coworker jumped up, he had a few beers, and grabbed me to lindy hop. Don't really know how, but his lead was so good, I did not really need to know. So suddenly we were the entertainment for everyone, bopping around the living room to some swing, and having an absolute blast. Not that I plan on giving up tango, but who knows? Maybe swing will be a fun sideline at crew parties from now on.... ;-)

However.....
I will miss the bats in the attic. They ate all the mosquitoes as they swooped around the garden at dusk.
I will miss the smell of wet grass and lilies in the morning.
I will miss the girls I dressed every night in their hooker fineries..... what a lovely group of budding professionals!
I will miss the crew, local 54, and their donut breaks... they never understood why I did not want to eat donuts twice a day......

So goodbye Tanglewood. Take care. And for goodness' sake, dry out!

Hiatus hiatus

2008-08-02T15:07:00.004-04:00

Am in the middle of my tango hiatus..... stop.....am going crazy..... stop.....send help... stop.....preferably in the form of DiSarli tango or Canaro milonga asap.......stop..... quickly!

Ha!

Really though, the first week I was here I was climbing the walls. I felt like an outdoor cat who was shut into a closet and no one heard me yowling. I literally paced when we got home at night. My roommate would laughed at me. No tango, no tv, no internet (oh, I am hijacking the theatre's internet right now as this is the one day off before we head into tech hell and there is no one here to kick me out of the office, mwuahahaha!), no car, no nothing.... except for lots of thunderstorms. One tree split in half, one patron at The Shed was struck and survived. Me, I'm staying inside, dry and electric free, while enjoying the night light shows.

Although, lucky me, my antsy-ness was alleviated one weeknd. Sorin came to visit me for a weekend a week ago and he got to experience the country with me. And dear that he is, he found a milonga that was an hour away and we went. So I had one night of dancing, which was fun. The folks in Amherst MA were very welcoming and kind. Although I rather felt like an exotic animal because when we walked in, everyone turned to look. This is a small community, everyone knows everyone, and there are no surprises. And in walks two surprises. But once they figured out that we were not looking for directions to somewhere else, they were very warm and I had a very nice night. It just felt lovely to dance with Sorin again.

Once we start tech I won't be able to miss anything, I will be too busy, which will be a blessing. Then in about two weeks, I will be back home, safe and sound. And dancing again!

Tango Hiatus

2008-07-06T12:04:00.002-04:00

I am about to leave for the wilds of Tanglewood, where there is no tv, no internet, and no tango. I'll be out there for 5 weeks. I love this gig, I've been for four years now, and I love the work, the opera and my coworkers, who are both dear friends.

But 5 weeks without tango.....

Last year was not so bad, I was a beginner, and although I was bit by the tango bug, it was not a huge deal to me to go for weeks without.
Rather odd when real life intercedes with tango and you start thinking about how to make it all work.... do the work I love and tango... ai yiyi. addicted much?

So today is my last day of tango before I leave Tuesday morning. And I am glad that it is my favorite practica, and Sorin is DJing, so it'll be three hours packed with my favorite music and leaders. I am thinking of requesting that we dance today, and not practice. I want to leave on high notes.

Speaking of high notes, I do love going out to Tanglewood in the depth of summer. I live right on the campus, in an old farmhouse that has bats in the attic, and music every night drifts over the fields and we sit on our back porch sipping wine and listening to the concerto of the evening.
Granted during the day we work like fiends, but it is all good.

I'm bringing one pair of tango shoes with me. You never know who might be a fellow out there in the Berkshires....
;-)

A taste of summer

2008-07-01T15:43:00.003-04:00

Shortly after a rogue sun shower, my favorite kind, I went out and picked mulberries from the two trees in the yard, with thoughts of making tarts. Standing on a rickety wooden ladder, I managed to collect a good amount of the sweet tart berries, much to the dismay of the birds. They hollered and hooted their displeasure at me as I took the ripest, sweetest berries in the trees. There was one very brave bird who would swoop from limb to limb on the other side of the tree from where I was perched, yelling its little head off at me as I took away their snacks. Sorry birdies. Even though I can't fly, I'm taller and have a colander. Here are the fruits of my labour..... just enough for one largish tart!

And here is the large tart! yummmmm.....

2008-06-25T18:31:00.002-04:00

There is so much to write about, and yet words fail me. Or ideas fail me. So I have not written. I have started posts, then put them aside and left them to germinate into inspiration for me to write. Which they did not do. They simply sat there looking at me, waiting for me to complete the thoughts I started.

I have had a landslide of sadness these past 6 weeks or so, along with a healthy side of worry and concern. The death of two people near and dear to me, mixed up with health scares of others near and dear to me, has put me in a funk. And tango has been a precious release for me. I have not thought about technique, I have not thought about position, posture or pointing my toes. I have simply tried to find bliss is the moment. And it has helped.

At a practica recently, I became very vehement against trying something that I did not believe would help the issue at hand. And I got mad. Really mad. And I realize now that it was because I did not want to analyze who was doing what wrong, I wanted to dance and connect. I did not want to find fault. Or look at what was wrong. I wanted to look at what was right. I wanted to feel better. If I had known that at the time, I could have verbalized it. But all I knew was that I did not want to hear what was wrong with me. Even though that was not what was being said.

This past weekend we went to NYC despite my having to be back on Monday for another funeral. Actually, we went because of my having to be back on Monday for another funeral. I lost my grief dancing. I was selfish, I did not accept any dances I did not want to have, and I also did not get to dance with everyone that I wanted to. But I found escape that night, which was what I needed. And then the next morning, sitting around the breakfast table with friends, eating french toast, nectarines and coffee, I felt relaxed. Exhausted, but relaxed.

I am going to be leaving for the wilds of Tanglewood in a couple of weeks to work on the opera, Mahagonny, and will be technology and tango free for 5 weeks. I love working out in Tanglewood, it is gorgeous and although we work long, tough hours, it is such a labour of love that it is worth being removed from the city and those I love for a little while. I was thinking of filling the time before then with classes and structure. But I think instead what I need instead is just to dance. And maybe find some healing.

A good day

2008-06-12T17:23:00.002-04:00

I was asked to be a part of a seminar on Leadership and Tango, taking the skills learned in Tango (on either side of the embrace) and applying them towards leadership skills, the attendees were all educators. My part, as well as that of a friend, was to be followers in the tango aspect, and assistants when the basic walking skills were taught to the attendees, and being the instructors' partners in the end of seminar demonstration.
Talk about pressure! Yikes!
But it was a blast. It was a room full of alpha educator leaders, who were strong in their opinions in the beginning, but then it was amazing to see them all make the connection between learning how to lead or follow in tango and the parallels they found for teaching in their fields.
My friend and I worked with different people as they learned as fill in followers or leaders. The only tango they learned was how to be comfortably close to another physically, the tango presence, leader intention, and how to walk. That was it. But you would think that we were unlocking the mysteries of the world to them! The thing that rocked my world was when they caught the idea that a follower is not a passive being who receives, but an integral part of the communication of the dance. It was like a dozen lightbulbs going off in their heads, especially when the traditional gender roles were not being used. Everyone lead. Everyone followed. I had a moment with one gentleman who "got it" while I was working with him. I rotated in as his follower, and he said to me "Oh good! Now I won't have to worry!"
"Why is that?"
He responded "Well, you know what you are doing. So I'm golden."
I gave a little laugh and said "Yes, I know how to follow reasonably well, but if there is no lead, I won't be able to contribute to our dance at all. Which makes you not so golden."
He looked at me in surprise, then I saw what I said connect and he had an Aha! moment.
At the end, all of the attendees, even the men who's wifes had obviously twisted their arms to come, caught some of the excitement that inspired most of us to start tango. They wanted to learn more, they wanted to work more on walking. They wanted to hear more about leadership. So the two gentlemen running the seminar said we can either spend the final few minutes working more on learning tango, or they could watch a demonstration. You would have thought we were playing musical chairs they all sat down so fast! So music went on, and I danced with the tango instructor, and my friend danced with the leadership instructor (who is also a very good tango dancer). I was very happy that our dance was kept simple, nothing fancy, nothing showy, just simple social salon tango, which felt just amazing. In speaking with the attendees afterwards, I was even more grateful that the volcadas, colgadas, and all those other adas were left behind, because I was told repeatedly that they felt they could one day do what we did. It was a performance that contained elements they felt was attainable for them.
There was one gentleman who gave me such a laugh because I remember the feeling of disbelief he gave us when I was a beginner. I had not danced with the tango instructor before today. We danced a few songs together before the seminar to warm up and get a feel for each other, but that was it. The gentleman would not accept that as truth, he was convinced I must be the instructor's partner or assistant. He could not believe we only met that day. Then he said to us "So, in tango, you can connect that completely with people you've never met before?" Yes sir, you can. And thus, the addiction begins..... ;-)

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Ahhhh.. so that's my issue.....

2008-06-11T14:31:00.003-04:00

It's been a hell of a summer so far. I am hoping it gets better soon. It has to, right? :-)
I have been listening to Annie Lenox recently (*gasp* NOT tango music?!?!? heh heh, yep, not tango music.... shocking, I know.....), and I always listen to Annie when I am melancholy or having quietude in my life. I have a playlist titled Mellow - and I have been listening to it as I integrate into Sorin's home (I hope soon "My home" will flow easily from me). I could not figure out what was wrong with me, Sorin even mentioned to me that I have been out of sorts recently. And I did not figure out what my issue was until today, when I ran into a friend who asked the innocent question of "What's new?" and I started to tell her all the new things happening (most of which are all good), and when I started to tell her about the death of my friend a few weeks ago, I broke down into tears. My core is still shaken from his death. My heart is broken for my friend and "sister", his wife; and his step-daughter, my god-daughter. I can't even type this without feeling my heart swell and drop in my ribs.

He was the same age as me, a few months older. He fought cancer for over a decade, and every time he entered that battle field he was nothing but positive and victorious. The amount of good he did in the world humbles me. He was politically active in his town, he owned a business that was a haven for the youth of his community and he gave them a place to be at night that kept them off the street. He loved my god-daughter as if she was his own blood and was a marvel with her. He was over 6 feet tall, his wife under 5 feet and they fit together perfectly.

I am still mourning the loss of such a spark in my universe. Now that I realize why I have been so out of sorts, I can work towards finding positivity again. Being snappish, sad, glum and unbalanced is not a good way to honor his memory. I have so much to celebrate right now, so I am going to work towards offering thanks for the happinesses in my life and to stop being a grumblecakes or DebbiDowner.... ;-)

Supreme Indifference and Invisibility

2008-05-28T10:15:00.004-04:00

I noticed a trend this past weekend. And that was that I was sitting. A lot. I circulated, I chatted, I sat in one of two areas near the dance floor in what I thought were good line of sights, and yet I sat. I was not sure what the reason was, and this was not the first time this has happened. There have been many posts about sitting at milongas and at festivals, and the blunt truth has always boiled down to those who are not good enough, sit. So I panicked a little. After all, I was sitting. ergo......

But instead I sucked it up and asked a question I did not really know if I wanted to hear the answer to. And I learned two things, that I have a tendency to look intimidating with an air of "supreme indifference" and that I tend to be invisible.

hunh?????

Apparently what I thought was a calm face with a slight smile, was instead stand-offish and rather bemused in a "royal we" sort of way. And that I tend to be invisible, leaders want to dance with me, but I don't stand out, so when they don't see me, they dance with others.

Well that threw me for a loop.

I vehemently denied being a "royal we" - mostly because I was horrified and mortified at the thought that was the case. Yes, after hour one of sitting, I do tend to space out a bit, but..... haughty??? Perish the thought! So proclamation number 1 (heh heh) - circulate more! I try to save my feet in my CIFs by sitting a lot, well, I can save them all night if all I do is sit, so walk and talk is my new way of saving my feet to dance. And instead of calm, I am going to try engaged, if I am sitting and watching the floor.

But invisible...... how to tackle that?

A chat with another leader when I mentioned this new discovery was at first surprise, and then agreement. He mentioned that I always look nice, but I always wear black or brown, so in a darkened room, despite my pale Irish skin, I sort of blend in. Circulating will help, but damn it! I am a costume designer! for THEATRE!! If anyone should know how to dress someone so that they look good and are distinctive, it should be me! I can do it for other people, why not myself?
So, horror of horrors, I am going shopping for distinctive tops. I bought some fabric that is pretty cool and colorful for wrap tops, and those are being cut this afternoon.

And while all of this was happening, I had a couple of moments where my doors were blown off their hinges. One was in a practica with an instructor whom I adore and respect greatly, and he mentioned that he wanted to see me step with quality. I was too smooth and mellow, that he often thought while we were dancing that "If only she had..." in response to my not showing the power I had with my steps. Wow. It's a whole new world. We worked on that, it started to feel good, I started to feel more from him, and the plateau I did not realize I was on, started moving in an upwards direction.
So of course, I immediately approached Shorey for a private on follower technique with this idea as the basis for the lesson. She was in town DJing at Providence at the festival, so it was now or wait months until the opportunity appeared again. Sorin constantly raves about dancing with her, and about her embrace, so it was a no-brainer. Our lesson was at the crack of dawn - 11am - heh heh heh, and worth every penny. We talked about lengthening the torso to allow for torsion and balance, about embracing with communication and being right there with your leader, and how to match my step quality to the music to communicate what I am hearing and suggest to my leader what I want to dance to.

First of all, Shorey is an excellent teacher, she communicates clearly what she wants you to do and is able to get out of you what you may not realize is there. Secondly, she is a very good lead! and thirdly, she gave me knowledge and inspiration to bring my dance to a new level. It's a whole new world, and I have lots to work on, but I am thrilled with it all.

So between proclamation #1, some striking yet signature Debbi clothing, and my new way of thinking about dancing - I hope to be vacating a couch sometime soon..... ;-)

Loss and Sadness

2008-05-20T10:24:00.003-04:00

A beautiful person has left our world. Which is heartbreaking to me.He has touched many lives, and I wanted to share with you his very well written obituary, in the hopes that his spirit and life force might continue to inspire.

He will be dearly missed.

A good practica

2008-05-12T16:10:00.003-04:00

Sunday was Mother's Day, and after visiting with my lovely mother, I went for the last 2 hours of practica. I had not danced in a few days due to various and sundry reasons, and it was beautiful out, and I really wanted to dance. I am glad I went, it was a day of pleasant surprises.

When I got there, I was treated to dancing with a beginner whom I can no longer call a beginner, despite the fact that he has been dancing less than a year. It has been awhile since we danced, and the progress he has made was really amazing to feel. He was more confident, he was clear, he had some new movements that he used really well with the music, and it was a lovely set of songs that we danced.

I also danced with two beginning leaders in our community, and I was very impressed with how good they were for how short a time they had been dancing. One leader already has down the tiny, nuanced, musical steps that I just adore. I think I giggled my way through the first song once he did that. The other leader was pointed out to me by a lovely friend, and although he has only been dancing a few months, he was on the beat, he was clear, and he did not try to do too much, he just went with what he knew.
I am looking forward to seeing these two progress! It really is so exciting to see fresh new faces get bit by the tango bug and grow within the dance. Really a wonderful thing!

I was also lucky to dance with above mentioned friend and leader-pimp :-) and we had a blast just kind of goofing around while dancing. Seeing what happened when different things were explored. I remember about a year ago in a workshop with Jennifer Brat and Ney Melo, where Jennifer was encouraging us ladies to embellish during pauses in the dance. I remember being horrified and resistant - how would I know when he was going to move again? What if I screwed up the dance because I wanted to tap my toe? What if? What if? So I didn't do it. It was too much for me. Now, I embellish when the music moves me. And in practica with my friend, I did all sorts of things to see what happened. Some worked without notice. Some make him laugh and give me a little squeeze of appreciation. And some absolutely screwed things up - but when that happened, we both giggled and moved on to the next phrase. It was no big deal. Granted, it was practica, and most of that stuff I would never do in a milonga. But still..... I no longer fear messing up. It's rather a good feeling.

There was one stiletto in mouth moment though.... I was asked by what I thought was a beginner to dance, and I accepted, and I regretted almost immediately. He shoved with his left hand, he pushed my ribs with his right, his chest was a battering ram, he looked down which pulled his energy and me down, and he paid no attention whatsoever to the music. Oi vey! I thought I knew which local teacher he was taking lessons with, and I decided to ask if he was open to feedback. He looked at me with surprise and said ok, so I mentioned his looking down, and how it pulls his attention and me down, which made it difficult for me. Would he mind trying to keep his posture upright for a song? He made mention that he had heard that before, so sure, he would try. He did it, and it helped, although all the other issues were more pronounced now. Afterwards he mentioned it seemed to help. Wondering whether to mention another of the uncomfortable issues I felt, I asked him how long he had been dancing. He said 5 years.

uuuhhhh....
hunh??
really? 5 years?
huh.
ok. hmmmm...

That is my verbatim response. There is a reason I don't play poker! I then thanked him and went to the ladies' room to see if I could re-hinge my jaw which had fallen open. I have no doubt my incredulity was apparent on my face. But really, five years, I can't find a way to offer feedback that would not be taken poorly

I only follows that after having a great time with both beginner and advanced and those in between, I found myself in an uncomfortable moment. It's the way my life goes. Oh well, it just drives home that years does not equal ability or level.

This upcoming weekend we are heading to Montreal for the festival up there. I am looking forward to seeing my friends in Montreal again, it has been so long since I have been up there, but the weather is warming, so despite the hideous gas prices, its Canada bound!

ahhh.. childhood

2008-05-05T20:43:00.003-04:00

Today I read an article on childhood in the 60's and 70's, and oh boy the memories! It is amazing to me that most of my childhood has been government regulated away.....
A few of my own thoughts and memories to add before I post the article, which I found on line without an author, so I can not give credit where credit is due....

Deb's additions:

My favorite toy was the Sit-N-Spin. I learned just how fast I could spin while looking up without loosing my lunch through trial and error. When I neared that danger zone, I simply looked down at the handle's design and hypnotized myself.

My mom used to hang laundry in the back yard, and it was all still there when she brought it back in at night. I used to run between the sheets on hot summer days and it was the best feeling and smell ever.

We kids were kicked out of the house after breakfast, and we had to ask to be let back in if we need to use the bathroom because my mom would have locked the screen doors. Once the street lights went on, we had 5 minutes to get home to wash up for dinner.

Speaking of washing up - there was no Purell, no anti-bacterial anything. There was a bar of Ivory soap, and you could have loads of fun slipping it through your hands to make a very satisfying "splunkage" noise in the sink full of water.

I did not know that cars had A/C until I was in junior high, it was an add-on for cars. An add-on my dad did not believe in when the good lord had created windows for us.

When we whined in the store that we wanted something, my mom would gather us up and leave. We learned that if we wanted to go to the store with mom, we had to behave. She once left an entire cart of groceries in the market because one of us acted up (I claim it was my sister, she claims it was me.....).

The remote control was often a small child in the room. Who would happily get up to change the knob on the television to one of the 7 channels we received. Oh, and the TV was not a babysitter, it was a treat and a privilege to get to watch tv after dinner with my parents - who often were the ones who chose the show we watched. If we complained, we got a book.

And now - the article...

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 1960s, 1970s and early 1980s probably shouldn't have survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was regularly chewed and licked.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles or latches on doors or cabinets, and it was fine to play with pans. When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokeys' on our wheels.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags and riding in the front passenger seat - or the boot - was a treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle, and it tasted the same.

We ate chips, bread and butter pudding, and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one drink with four friends - from one bottle or can - and no one actually died from it.

We would spend several hours building go-carts out of scraps, then go top speed down the hill, only to find out we'd forgotten the brakes. After running into a patch of stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back before dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded.

We didn't have Playstations or Xboxes - no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape films, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no internet chatrooms.

We had friends - we went outside and found them. We played French skipping and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt! We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones, but there were no law suits.

We played Knock Down Ginger and were actually afraid of the owners catching us. We walked to friends' homes. We also, believe it or not, walked to school; we didn't rely on Mummy or Daddy to drive us to school, as it was just round the corner.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. We rode bikes in packs of seven and wore our coats by only the hood. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of they actually sided with the law.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem-solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you're one of them. Congratulations! Pass this on to others who had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and the government regulated our lives for "our own good".

For those of you who aren't old enough, we thought you might like to read about us.

And something else to put a smile on your face...
The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986. The Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel. They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Neneh Cherry or Belinda Carlisle.

For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam. AIDS has existed since they were born. CDs have existed since they were born. Michael Jackson has always been white. To them, John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could ever have been a god of dance.

They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films from the past ten years. They can never imagine life before computers. They'll never have pretended to be the A-Team, the Dukes of Hazzard or the Famous Five. They can't believe a black and white television ever existed. And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.

Thoughts on the valleys to get back to the summits

2008-04-30T11:18:00.005-04:00

I've been having a difficult time with allergies and asthma lately, which has been affecting me in all areas of life. I am tired all the time, I am coughing like a plague victim, and my energy has been sapped. So the good feelings I had been having about my dance these past weeks has plummeted. It feels like I just can't really keep up. When your lungs are functioning at 71%, it is understandable (I would like to think anyway). Although the endorphins that course through me when I dance keep the coughing at bay, I feel sluggish at times. Of course, I don't want to explain this to every one who asks me to dance, it is sort of setting the stage for a sub-par dance rather than a sublime experience, and I don't want to jinx what might be. Might be a little Pollyanna of me, but that is just the way I feel.

I went to my happy milonga, and it was a crap shoot. Some times I had no major issues, and was able to relax and enjoy the dance, with others, it was a mess. And when you can feel the irritation/disappointment/frustration of your leader when you are not dancing at your best, it just makes everything worse. I try to overcome, I try to be better, but some days it just isn't going to happen. I'm tired, I'm slow right now, and I am below my best. It is an odd mixture of irritation and sadness that I have when I feel my leader's displeasure with the dance. When he or she is able to overlook my shortcomings (which I am sure/hope are temporary), then I am more able to have some fun and be playful with the fact that I am under par. Find other moments to appreciate. But when my leader is constantly adjusting and giving off the energy that equates to an eye roll, I rather want to say "We all have bad days, give me a break or thank me and no harm, no foul."

The translation of that eye roll, which is the only way I can describe it, is something that I think we all need to be aware of. Accept that if someone who normally dances at a better level is a little "sub-par" that day, it is most likely an anomaly, and don't give them less than you normally would. The energy between leader and follower is so sensitive, that it will be appreciated. Tina wrote this wonderful post about embracing your partner with love, and I believe if we all follow this, it would help raise the bar of all connections in the dance, regardless of the type of day they are having. I am going to do my best to follow this, regardless of how I am feeling, or how the dance is going. If I can offer this when I am at my lowest, highest, and all stages in between, perhaps that will encourage the perceived eye roll to change to a quick squeeze or giggle at whatever misstep happens.

Things that make you go..... hhuuunnnhhhhh?!?!?

2008-04-22T14:03:00.007-04:00

I find it very strange that there seems to be a wave of beginning leaders who want to teach tango. I just don't get it. I heard through the local grapevine of a beginner who started a mere few months ago has aspirations of teaching. He should have aspirations of walking. However he is more interested in figures to alternative music. There is another who wants to "revolutionize tango and infuse it with a new flavor." Direct quote, I was there and heard it. This leader has been dancing less than 6 months and feels one does not need to learn the basics in order to dance or teach tango.... in fact he is very resistant to feedback at practicas, so I have stopped working with him.
*head scratching moment*

I don't get it.

And the most curious thing to me is that these are all leaders. I don't hear any followers saying that they want to teach, but then again, I don't dance much with the women. So that may be a factor..... however there does seem to be some sort of fever that the young leaders have caught to become teachers before they have really begun to understand the dance. I have been asked by a few people when Sorin and I are going to start teaching.... uhm.... we need to keep learning, thank you, we are not at the level of becoming instructors!

Any idea why this happens? This sudden urge to teach when one does not know the subject?? It baffles the mind.....

NYC and strawberries

2008-04-21T11:44:00.002-04:00

This weekend we went to NYC for Nocturne, and literally that was all! It was kinda cool and kinda crazy to drive up, dance, and drive back. But Nocturne was so much fun, I had a blast.
Of course, we forgot about the pope visiting NYC, which caused all sorts of traffic havoc. Sheesh! I mean the man has a pope mobile fer goodness sake! Why does he need to shut down the Triboro bridge AND FDR Drive?!?!? Argh.

Anyway....
Despite the pope, it was a great night. I had some really wonderful dances and connections.... even after the point where I was dropping with exhaustion and my synapses were misfiring to my feet. Ha! whoops! Step where? heh heh.
And there was celebrity sighting at the milonga. Which caused quite the buzz! Although everyone was cool about it, no one made a fuss at them. Gotta love New Yorkers!

On a separate note - take a look at these monster strawberries we got! In April! Can anyone say genetic engineering? But they were sweet and firm - so is it wrong to enjoy mutant strawberries on the first warm weekend of the season? ;-)

NYC here I come

2008-04-19T14:00:00.003-04:00

After a long week, full of angst and end of the semester trials and tribulations at work, we are heading off to NYC for Nocturne. I am looking forward to seeing friends, dancing all night, and relaxing and dancing myself into exhaustion.
:-)

To be or not to be.... there are many questions

2008-04-15T10:06:00.004-04:00

Tango attracts passionate people, which is a good thing. I believe that you have to have a passionate disposition in order to feel the dance, feel the music, find the connection and express the emotion. It is part of the attraction of the dance. Almost like a slight edge of danger due to the undercurrents.

And yet the flip of this is that it can easily degrade into flinging sand in the sandbox when people feel that they are "right" someone else is "wrong" or there is a difference of beliefs on a basic level. This is why I left a tango list. It got to the point where I was not reading any posts anymore because I did not want to deal with all the assertions of right and wrong about an art form that in its essence is improvisational, and therefor fluid. I know people who are anti-nuevo, anti-traditional, anti-alternative, anti-Piazzola, anti-occasional dancer, and so forth and so on. And they are all right and they are all wrong. It's all opinion and preference. And yet the force with which they assert their beliefs sometimes takes me aback. Tango is a large umbrella and envelops many styles, ideas, concepts and beliefs. Being judgemental, in my mind, does not help with the image tango has. I have also noticed a trend among some of the writings that I read where similar assertions have been creeping in. It really makes one want to say "Shut up and Dance!"

I was questioned recently about why I dance with such a range of leaders. Some of my favorite leaders have very different styles and preferences within tango. One is a very traditional milonguero with a slight V frame, another is nuevo with sweeping and dynamic moves, another is very experimental with a traditional base, and then there is Sorin :-), dynamic and musical who takes what he likes from different styles, although his base is traditional. The person who questioned me saw me dance a milonga set with the milonguero and then a tango set with the nuevo, and they could not understand how it was that not only did I change leader styles abruptly, but my "style" also radically changed between leaders. They could not understand why I did not have my own voice. My answer is that I do have my own voice, ask any leader who dances with me and I would like to think that they would say that I do have a clear style/voice/contribution. But I adapt to the style they lead. I don't think this makes me lesser of a follower. I would like to think it makes me better because I have not pigeon holed myself into one aspect of tango.

They thought I was crazy and did not believe me when I said that I enjoy all of these styles.
It disappointed me that they felt this way. If one adamantly dances one way , in my opinion, one misses out on so many aspects of tango that it makes me a little sad.

I feel as though there needs to be acceptance towards the aspects that one does not particularly like/relate to/connect with and a willingness to explore within the art the different shades and hues that tango offers.

You may laugh at me, but I heard on random on my iTunes as I was writing this - Rainbow Connection from the Muppet Movie - and the lyrics sounded incredibly apropos....

....
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What do we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me

All of us are under its spell

We know that its probably magic.
...

I've heard it too many times to ignore it
Its something I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me
...

Tango Tootsies...

2008-04-04T17:25:00.003-04:00

So there I am, sitting on the edge of the tub, happily taking care of my feet with a punice stone when it dawns on me.... my feet are a mess! Looking at my poor tootsies, I start counting the bruises... three perfect round black and blue marks decorate my left foot. Stiletto stabs, one of which is actually under my toenail, the other two on the soft flesh beneath my toes. It still amazes me that when stepping backwards one continues to transfer weight even when one feels something soft and non-floor like beneath one's heel. Or maybe it is me, I can feel what I am stepping on, and if it is something other than floor, I immediately lift my foot and increase presence to my leader so he knows I stepped on someone if he did not know it already. But not these ladies. They nailed me. And not in the good way. My toenail is ugly from the bruise, and I wish that I could stand to have a pedicure because polish would be the perfect disguise for the ugly black and purple mark. But I just can't stand to have my feet touched, and I don't like nail polish. I can feel it, and it makes my skin crawl. Does anyone else feel that? Or is it just another weird thing Debbi does......

Anyway - back to the bruises.

I remember when I first started tango and got my first Milonga war wound, I was so proud. It was like I was initiated into the follower sorority. Now, I barely notice them, unless they get out of control like they are right now. My right foot is bruise free, but the leg is not. Practica last night, my leader stopped me short from a collision, however the other leader did not, and the follower was making some sweeping motion with her leg that hit me as she swept left and then hit me again as she swept right. Uhm... hello?!?!? If you hit someone going one direction, don't you think you might not want to go back, regardless if your leader leads it, because the body part you already slashed might still be there??? When she hit me the second time I turned around and said "You're joking, right?!" At least they both blushed, mumbled a sorry, and scooted away. My leader laughed and said he did not have anywhere to go, but he did not believe that the other couple would continue the figure after first contact. oh well, maybe they will think next time.

But what I want to know is this.... when I look around the milonga, all the tangueras feet look so perfect and lovely, and then I look at my paws and they are bruised and abused.... how do you ladies do it? What is the secret that I have yet to discover?? Is it really the pedicures that I see everywhere? Cause I really don't know if I can get over the heebie-jeebies I get when people touch my feet.... although I can try.....

But please oh please tell me true.... how do I disguise the black and blue????

Tango Tranquility continues....

2008-04-01T14:14:00.002-04:00

I am hoping that I never wake up from this tango dream. It has been a few weeks now that I have been moving well, enjoying amazing connections, finding moments to contribute to the dance, and been on cloud 9. This past weekend was the Yale Tango Festival, and I have to give credit to the organizers and volunteers for doing such a wonderful job. There is too much to talk about, and most of it would be incoherent as I am still processing it all, so instead I will just offer some favorite moments from the Yale Tango Festival.

*Dancing with new and old friends. I love festivals as I am starting to recognize people whom I only see at festivals, and we get to dance and re-connect. It is such a wonderful thing. And then there are the new dances, it is great to find new connections and partners. There was a contingency of dancers there from Colorado, and I got to dance with some of the leaders. Man they grow them tall there!! Each leader I danced with was easily over 6’. The top of my head did not meet their chins…. And I am no shorty. But it was really lovely to feel a different style of dancing. They were smooth, it was all about the walk, with a few movements added. Very nice and very languorous. It is interesting to feel a difference in style from the East Coasters that I am used to dancing with. Just as there is a marked difference from Boston and New York and Montreal, there was a marked difference with Colorado. Which I find thrilling.

*I led for the first time in a milonga. And the only bump we had was not my fault!! My friend M was an absolute doll and allowed me to lead her (after she led me, which was just a great time, and I loved how she growled at any misbehaving leaders who weaved in and out of lanes!). I realized very early into the first song that my limited repertoire was not really going to work as there were too many people on the floor and I could not focus on them and vocabulary. So we walked, we rock stepped, we had some percussive side steps… I tried to be musical without figures. I was very proud of myself for not killing her, not freaking out, and keeping a beat with some semblance of musicality. Whoo hoo!

*Sunday brunch practica. There was an adorable 9 year old (I think, give or take a year) there in an very spring-y little dress, cute little dance shoes with a slight heel, hair neatly pulled back, a touch of lip gloss, sitting oh so properly with hands folded in her lap along the line of tangueras on the side of the dance floor. And she could dance. And she got dances, which made me smile. She even got to dance with a tango god, who was an absolute gentleman and danced what looked like a very enjoyable tanda with her. I have no idea if she knew who she was dancing with, but the joy on her face of dancing, warmed my heart. I grabbed Sorin’s camera and snapped a few pictures of them as it was too wonderful a moment.

And finally:
*Three Tango Highs. Dancing with tango goddesses. During Saturday’s practica I had the opportunity to dance with Mila, and it was just fantastic. She is wonderful lead, incredibly clear and musical. I had an absolute blast and was on a tango high after we danced. I can’t wait to dance with her again! And then that night I asked Kyla if she was leading, and if so, I would love to dance with her. She came to find me later and we danced a couple of tandas which was just great. She also has a crystal clear lead, and her exuberance and musicality shine through and makes for an amazing connection. I adore her as a person and now I adore her as a leader too!! And then finally on the last night, when I was so past exhausted and my muscles had gone from sore and tired to super relaxed and loose, I got to dance with H, whom I had been trying to cabeceo for the past few days. Finally caught his eye, and off we went on what I can only call a phenomenal two tandas. The connection was like a circuit, constant little pulses back and forth, he would suggest, I would suggest, and we danced. It was perfect.

There were many other moments that I recall fondly, or made me laugh, or were simply beautiful (Kyla and Robin’s performance the final night comes to mind with beautiful), but it is so much to digest. I will just leave you with that. (And thanks to Elizabeth, whom I stole the title from as her post on Tango Tranquility really resonated with me.)

Tango Blessings

2008-03-24T18:13:00.006-04:00

I feel I have been very blessed this month in the realm of tango, I have had some of the best dances in my very young life as a tango dancer in this dismal month of March. Which is rather amusing to me. Grey, cold, dingy days filled with bright, heart-lifting, warm dances.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a growing spurt. I was able to be more active, and leaders noticed and commented. I was better able to feel that connection, find my partner, and share accordingly. Things I had no idea I had been missing were becoming clear, and I was amazed at finding them.

It was sort of like I had been living my life without, oh... say chocolate. And was offered my first taste of dark, bittersweet chocolate, and my palette suddenly realized all it had been missing. And now I can't go without.

Of course, I am lucky as I am attending two festivals this month, so my tango sphere is considerably wider than it normally would be. But even so. I have always had a good time at festivals, but I was not a temptation to the better/elite dancers, as there were always a good number of elite followers to be had. But this last festival I attended, I discovered that I was dancing all night with some of the better leaders there. Granted, I still am not on the radar of the tango gods, which is understandable, but I seemed to be dancing with a good number of the best of the "mortals" there. Which rather took me by surprise. A very pleasant surprise, but a surprise nonetheless.

And now this weekend I am looking forward to the Yale festival, and I already have some dances lined up on my dance card. :-) It is a little strange, I am not concerned about how I am going to dance while there, I have confidence that the strides forward I made are still going to be with me. I plan to enjoy myself and my partners thoroughly..... maybe that is the key??

Feedback vs Back Off

2008-03-19T13:27:00.004-04:00

The issue of feedback is an interesting one. I am always open to feedback and want to have a dialogue in what my partner feels, responds to, etc. I try to go to practicas in order to open this dialogue with leaders. I find this almost as helpful as workshops or classes because I can focus more on nuances in practica, whereas I focus on technique in class. This does not mean that I take all feedback as gospel truth. I listen, I digest, then I take what works for me or that I agree with and go from there. Some feedback I have received has allowed me to grow in leaps and bounds, which I am eternally grateful for.

So when I come up against someone who is completely against feedback, it is a curiosity to me. And when that person is a beginner, I am flummoxed. I certainly do not think that with the short amount of time I have been dancing I am any sort of authority, and I don't give feedback on technicalities, I give feedback on embrace, on what I feel, on what I don't feel. I try to make it a dialogue as opposed to "You need to do this." Which is not helpful to anyone.

So why on earth when you are asked by your follower at a practica if you are open to feedback would you respond "No, I don't find instruction helpful. I just want to relax and not think about what I am doing." Uhm, ok. I can get the wanting to relax thing, wanting to enjoy the dance, but if you are gripping your followers shoulder blade and using it as a rudder, and your lead is coming from your head and not your core, you might want to hear about these things, especially the bone gripping thing, otherwise you might not be getting the dances you want because your follower is not going to want to put up with being man handled in that way.

So what is it with feedback? Why are some dancers open and welcoming to hearing what the other person feels in the dance? Why are some completely against this dialogue? Is it that scary? Is it because the feedback is coming from someone who is not an instructor? Is there a better way to offer feedback, or is it best not try, just to walk away if you feel unsafe or are in pain (which is what I actually ended up doing, right or wrong.)? I guess at the heart of it I can't wrap my brain around a resistance to growing and getting better.

The reason why I never win the door prize at milongas.....

2008-03-18T13:55:00.002-04:00

Bored art students....

2008-03-18T12:19:00.003-04:00

will create guerilla art when left alone together at school for spring break......
This is what we came back to after spring break, our staff conference room was turned into an idyllic, pillow filled dale....
I love my job!!! These are the minds I work with!

Beginning of the week....

2008-03-10T14:28:00.003-04:00

I have a preliminary interview for a design gig in NYC today!!! I am very excited about this, I would love to break into NYC and get some work there. It would mean more travel to one of my favorite cities on a regular basis. And work in NYC!! Pretty cool. It is an off-off-broadway theatre, but everything I have read about them sounds pretty cool, and I like their vibe that I get from their website, and it seems that they have some really good history. So, here's hoping!

In other worlds, a.k.a. tango - I had a good tango weekend. Saturday night was a monthly milonga that I had a pretty good time at, they always have a birthday dance for the month's birthday celebrants, and a friend of mine contacted all the good followers he knew and asked them to be there to take part in his birthday dance, which was brilliant as it caused a whole group of us to constantly cut in on him. ha! good for him! I need to remember that for my next birthday dance in December....

Sunday practica was also good, I worked on some pointers a favorite leader gave me - elongating my torso, making my back as tall as my front (his words, pretty good image) and allowing my shoulder blade to lift my arm as opposed to my shoulder joint. It made it much easier feel his lead and the nuances he was suggesting in the dance. I find it amusing that once one reaches a certain level in tango, we start going back to the basics, the beginning, to make our adjustments there. I remember being told that we all go back to the beginning lessons during our tango path back when I was a rank beginner, and I remember being confused by that. Now it makes perfect sense.

We seem to have an influx of beginners in our community, which is great. I hope that they become enamored with the dance and stay. It is really interesting to watch them go through the pain of learning, leading, following, stepping.... I remember back to my beginnings and how overwhelming it all was. I remember watching the feet of the more advanced followers at the time, trying to decipher how it was that they were stepping, how did they know how far to step, what was that extension like, and why were they so smooth and I felt so abrupt when I stepped. I realized at one moment during the practica that there were three girls sitting on the side, staring at my feet and talking with each other while pointing to my and another's steps. It brought me right back to last spring when I was doing the same thing. I also remember graduating from watching feet to watching embrace and faces. Who had that connected look, and how did they achieve it? Such a fishbowl, this intimate connection between two people.

Although the one thing I have noticed with the influx of new dancers, is the sudden degradation of line of dance and floorcraft. And even common sense. At Saturday's milonga, some decided to walk through the floor during a song to leave. I am surprised he did not burst into flames from some of the looks he got, and I was also amused to see one leader, who is a stickler for propriety on the dance floor, lead a low boleo in this guy's path. Not sure if he got the hint, but I have no doubt he will soon. Growing pains......

Thursday we leave for DC and the TangoMarathon. We are staying with a friend and are looking forward to visiting with her as well as dancing all night every night. I have no doubt it will be a good time, I am already planning my wardrobe, which includes my fabulous new pants as well as some tops and wraps that I am making right now that I hope will be ready in time. I gave Sorin the task of keeping me on task with my sewing projects this week.... hope I did not give him too much power with that task! ;-)

Odd Tuesday

2008-03-05T13:27:00.004-05:00

It feels like spring out, it is cool with that undercurrent of warmth, and it is amazing just how much my mood has improved with the change in weather.

Last night was Odd Tuesday Milonga, my happy milonga, and as I am in a slow time with work, I was able to go to the practica before hand. Although the practica (as well as the milonga later) was sparsely attended, I did get one very valuable bit of learning from the practica, and that had to do with the tension issue I have been having with my right arm. I spoke with a friend of mine who has been dancing for a long time and teaches with her husband in Boston, and she told me that she learned to open up her shoulder socket to her partner (as opposed to collapsing the shoulder or pushing the shoulder forward) and to keep the shoulder soft when one feels pressure against the hand and arm when it is not necessary (i.e. - boleos, you want that added pressure, walking - not so much). She learned this through something called Alexander technique and it seemed to work well for her. So I tried it out. And you know what? It worked! Just visualizing keeping my shoulder joint open, relaxed and fluid made a huge difference. It was difficult to remember to keep it constant, but with practice I am sure it will turn into muscle memory. Even Sorin mentioned that he noticed the tension had decreased significantly when we danced.
Yea!!

Although the milonga was disappointing in the lack of attendees, I did have a good time dancing with some favorite leaders. One of whom I had not danced with in quite some time. Sorin was DJing so the music was good, and I had new pants that rocked!!! BCBG was having this huge sale, so I wandered in more on a whim and tried on these pants as they were 70% off. I was amazed at how beautifully they fit, so I bought them in navy with red and tan pinstripes. They make really lovely swooshing feelings on pivots, boleos and turns. Fun!

$150 pants for $45?? Yes please!

It might be.....

2008-03-03T15:45:00.002-05:00

Perhaps.....
Possibly......
I think it could be.....
the beginnings of spring out there!!! Went outside to get a coffee and it was not frigidly cold out! I was almost slightly warm in my coat and scarf! Imagine that..... It might be time again soon where I can go right from the car to the dance floor, and not have to stop off in the coat room first to removed 5 layers and change shoes.....

Once can only hope......

One whole extra day of dancing!! Leap Year!!

2008-03-02T12:48:00.004-05:00

This weekend has so far been a crazy one. We went to New Haven for the Leap Milonga, which was fun. Yale is always a great place to go visit friends and dance. Unfortunately, a few hours into it, I started to feel unwell - crampy tummy, headache - and Sorin and I decided that we would drive back instead of crash with friends who had so generously offered to put us up for the night. We were all disappointed that we would leave, but if I was ill, I did not want to either make other ill, or be ill in someone's home (I hate to make other's have to deal with that). So even though the snow was falling outside, we said our goodbyes and hit the road.

Poor Sorin! He did all of the driving, and it was less than fun. Snowy, slushy, unplowed roads. What should have taken a little over 2 hours took almost 3 and that last half hour was torture for him as he was exhausted. But we made it and collapsed into bed. Not to rise until well past noon Saturday. Still feeling not quite myself, we thought about the day and what to do. I had a dye project looming, but there were workshops that MIT was sponsoring with Korey and Mila that we thought would be good to go to as we were now going to be in Boston for the weekend. So we decided to attend their workshop on single axis turns. So I prepped my dye project (pictures coming soon!!! It's "curing" as I type!) and then off to the workshop we went. And I am so glad that we did! I had never taken any instruction on single axis turns outside of practica setting, so it was great to start from the very foundation of what one needs to do in this movement and progress to various types of single axis turns. And even though this was titled as an advanced class, it was structured and taught so that everyone learned the good foundation of this movement
and was challenged on various levels. I really liked Korey and Mila's teaching style, and I hope MIT sponsors them to come back again soon. They taught ideas and concepts that lead you to discovery, and in such a way that was fun and challenging. It was a good workshop.

Later last night we went to the milonga and had a pretty good time. I was still feeling out of sorts, but I knew it was nothing contagious and after a few advil, I felt better. Had some lovely dances with some favorites, in particular was a tanda of Brazilian milonga (who knew?!?) that was a blast to dance with my favorite milonguero leader, whom I always look for when a milonga tanda comes on.

I did realize that I have to work on tension in my right arm. I tend to tense that arm when I feel tension from my partner, which causes a domino effect and my arm is sore by the end of one song. With some leaders I do not have this issue, and with others it is very present. I try to relax my muscles as soon as I realize I am doing this, but I am sure it is as problematic for the leader as it is for me. If anyone knows of a way or trick to keep your arm loose and relaxed regardless of your partner's arm, let me know! I have tried keeping my arm "rising" where I have the energy going up instead of down into my partner's hand, but that is almost as exhausting as the tension.

Anyway, at the end of the night I was thrilled when Korey asked me to dance. He has such an amazing embrace and beautiful lead, it was just lovely. And he did a single axis turn with me that he taught in class that is a 720 degree turn that he says has the "Wheeee!" factor, and let me tell you, it does!!! I was laughing as we came out of it! It was a great way to end the night. Korey also gave me some great ideas for tango clothing for men, we chatted about tango fashion and clothes earlier in the evening, and I am going to make sure to give him credit if I incorporate some of his ideas in with mine. :-)

Today there are more workshops with Korey and Mila, and we are on the fence between those and practica... what to do??? But right now I have a dye project that needs my attention. For those who know dye processes, I am using resists on cotton lawn fabric to create a stained glass effect. Once it is dried and cured, I will post the result. I am so loving grad school!!! :-)

Design

2008-02-25T16:17:00.001-05:00

After talking about it for what seems like too long, I have finally started my web site. Right now I have scarves and shoe bags up, but I am working on clothing which I am in the process of making and that will be up soon.....

Introducing my web site - www.DebbiDoesDesign.com

So exciting! New ventures!

On Tango and Shakespeare....

2008-02-21T20:57:00.003-05:00

On one of the tango blogs, Argentine Tango Videos, today was posted a video of merging Shakespeare and Tango - they merged Romeo and Juliet with tango, the fight scene between Mercutio and Tibault

It gave me the shivers (despite the fact that at the moment I am ill with a fever) and made me wonder how I never thought of how tango works so well with some passages from Shakespeare. The passion, playfulness, and power of the dance mirror the same in Shakespeare's words...

Imagine - Iago whispering jealousy inducing words into Othello's ears as behind them a tango between Cassio and Desdemona plays out in Othello's mind.....

Or the sprites of Midsummer Night dancing a tango through the woods and castle as they bless the lovers' marriage....

Ohhhh, my imagination has been stirred, and a few of my passions - theatre, tango and Shakespeare - have been thrown in the pot.....

Ups and Downs and All Arounds....

2008-02-10T13:30:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like having it brought to your attention in a crystal clear way that you are still just not good enough. Despite working hard in practice to become a better dancer, despite losing yourself in the music and the movement and enjoying your leader's lead thoroughly.... despite all of that, it can still not be enough. It seems to be a common theme with me, and perhaps with others, I reach a point where I become happy with myself. I am proud of the journey I have taken, I am proud of reaching a point where 90% of the time I am moving well and feeling the music, I am proud of my feet, of my musicality, of my connections. And then, whammo! Apparently not so much. It is exhausting really, and although I know I should not take it personally. I can not help it at times because dancing to me is personal. It is me.

I do know that I am at a point that leaders dance with me not just because I show promise, but because I am now showing a style. Which honestly rocks my world. The other night at my happy milonga, one of my favorite leaders interrupted a conversation I was having because a milonga set was on, he wanted to dance it , and he wanted to dance it with me. You could have given me a puppy and I would not have been happier. It absolutely made my year, that moment. And then shortly after that, on another night, when there were the elite surrounding me, and in 4 and a half hours I danced 5 tandas and two songs. And three of those tandas and one song were with Sorin, they were good tandas and I had a great time dancing with him, but I know that he will dance with me even when the room is heavy with advanced dancers. Sometime near the end of the night, I simply took my shoes off. It seemed farcical to me to keep them on after sitting for almost 90 minutes. Darling that he is, before we left, Sorin danced one more song with me when he was completely out of steam and I was in my stockinged feet. And full of energy, while everyone else was depleted from dancing. Memories of childhood were surfacing, being chosen last for whatever game we were playing as I was the smallest, youngest and slowest in my class. Those feelings , although buried deep, still resonate no matter how old, confident and secure we become in life. Ironic.

The ride home I tried to discuss this unemotionally, but it was hard to do so. I found myself fighting tears a couple of times, desperate to not let the wound show. But wound there was. And it pissed me off that I felt that way. Even now after a little time has passed, it still pisses me off that I am still upset about it. But what to do? Practice harder? Ask for feedback from those who chose to not dance with me? Work on becoming more like the followers that they do ask to dance? Change my perfume? Wear a different color?

I am thinking that I will simply continue on the path I have started on, work towards becoming the dancer I want to be, and do my best to not be upset when I am snubbed, feel slighted, or sit for hours on end.
And maybe, if I am disciplined enough, it will stop smarting when these nights happen....

In the words of a tango blogger whose writings I sorely miss...
me - 5
TangoCoaster - 1.5 million

But a least I have 5.

Adventures in.....

2008-02-05T11:14:00.000-05:00

Adventures in Commuting

Dear fellow Bostonian Commuter Rail passengers. It never ceases to amaze me that during rush hour, no one wants to scoot over in the 3 seat bench to make room for those of us who board the train mid-line. Burying your head in your Metro paper will not make us disappear or the space beside you look less empty. Move Over!!! The other morning, when I boarded the train, and saw that no one was moving over to allow others to sit, my patience wore thin. Then I saw a woman who was obviously very pregnant walking down the aisle towards me as I walked up the aisle towards hoarded empty seats. We both looked down at this guy who had taken up the seat next to him with his lap top case, papers, coat, and other sundries..... All the while engrossed in a game of FreeCell on his laptop in the hopes that we would just stand there beside him and not notice his urban spread.
My blood pressure rose.

"Excuse me, but it would be great if you you stop your solitaire game long enough to move over and let this lady have a seat."
Both of them looked at me in shock.
"Hmmm... what?" Was his pithy reply
"Move over. She is pregnant and you are rude to ignore it. "
"Oh, uh, I did not notice."
Now she laughs and joins the fray...
"Didn't notice this??" She touches her huge belly. "Well, that is odd considering I am the size of a planet right now."
(I know she stole that from Juno, but it was still funny)
He made a to-do of moving his things aside so that she could sit. Which she happily did. I hear someone chuckling behind me and turned around to see a lady sitting on the 3 seat bench, with an empty seat between her and the person sitting by the window. I raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at the empty seat. She stopped laughing, had the grace to look ashamed, and moved over. I then get to sit too.

Really people, I observe more courtesy on the Rte 1 bus which is often full of college students and vagrants where seats are given up to those who need it. I guess the difference in ticket price and home base (city vs suburb) directly correlates to empathy. The more you have, the less you have.

Comfort zone? Nahhhh... Leading Zone!

2008-01-15T17:06:00.000-05:00

I spent a good chunk of Sunday's practica working on leading with one of my favorite leaders, who happens to be a woman instructor. She was leading me and we were working on different single axis turns and she looked at me after awhile and said "Do you want to lead me? You really should."
Gulp
Well, yes, I do, there are just all these.... uhm.... dancers here and..... well they dart and weave and......

sigh

ok. yes. I have to get over the fact that there are other people out there on the floor.

So I walk with her. Simple walk, rock step when things get tight, left turns..... I'm feeling ok, she gives me good feedback about being stronger in my lead, don't drop the energy when I get surprised or stressed, be constant and steady. Great, good, I'm working on that....

Then.....
She gives me exercises to do. YIKES!!!
More than a walk in a straight line????

Yup.

Step to the left of the follower, then come back in line, then step to the right and come back in line. Weaving in an S shape as I walk, keeping the follower straight.

Surprising enough, it went fairly well. And since it went fairly well, we have another exercise to do.....
OCHOS!!!
Oh no, ochos.....

But first I had to play with her axis, feel where she is when she is on her axis, and what it feels like when she is not. Wow, pretty important stuff, and much easier to feel that I expected. I stepped in an arc around her, using the arc to play with her hips and pivoting. Feeling how my placement affected her placement and how the pivot can change. Then I added a step to the arc, to allow her to step out of the pivot and into the ocho. It's rather amusing to me that after a year of working hard to be elegant in the dance, I am back to fumbling and stumbling. I thought those days were long gone, but no..... here they are again! Ha! Humility is a powerful thing! ;-)

So I played with all the exercises as I lead her for a tanda or so. I am fairly proud of myself for staying with the music, it is ingrained in me now to hear the music, so that at least went a little easier. At least I was not plodding along off beat and off rhythm.

It was a good session and rather encouraging, pushing me out of my slight comfort zone of the straight line and into options was helpful and something I most likely would not have done on my own for awhile yet. So much more to learn.....

On the up side, I am going to my favorite milonga tonight, and I am so looking forward to it! I have my new shoes Sorin bought for me and I am just itching to dance. :-)

One year to the day

2008-01-09T10:55:00.000-05:00

To day marks the one year mark from my very first tango lesson with Fernanda.
For giggles I went back and re-read my posts from that first class series. I could not help but laugh and shake my head.... what an innocent I was! I've come a long way, and yet the path ahead of me seems endless. Which I rather like....
:-)
Anyway.... happy one year to me! I bought myself a little vegan chocolate cupcake and one of my students stuck two wooden matches in it, one for the year that's past and one to grow on. So cute....
I'm looking forward to "the one to grow on".

I got Tagged

2008-01-08T12:30:00.000-05:00

So, apparently there is a whole lot of tagging going around, and to be honest, these "learn things you did not know about your friends" things are a weakness of mine. I love them. It's weird.
But, La Tanguera tagged me and I am happy to oblige... so here it goes....

The Rules:

Post the rules on your blog
Link to the person who tagged you (see above link).
Share seven random and/or weird things about yourself.
Tag seven people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Ok - 7 weird things.... only seven?!?!? ;-)

1. I am a mutant.
Yup. My eye color is a mutation. I have green eyes, but they are green yellow eyes. Most green eyed people have green-blue or green-brown. But I have lots of yellow. And when I am out in the sun for awhile, they get more yellow. heh!

2. My name means "Busy as a Bee".

3. I can usually identify fabric by touching it. Might be a hazard of the job, but it is a good skill to have.

4. I am always reading, usually multiple books. It is not unusual for me to have between 2 and 5 books going at one time. I also harbor secret desires to be a writer. I have started a book from my stint working retail for Victoria's Secret back in the early 90's as a bra specialist. It even has a title - "My life as a Bra Queen." Maybe one day it'll have a binding....

5. The greatest love story in my opinion is Max and Valerie from The Princess Bride. They remind me of my grandparents, except for the living in a hut thing....

6. I failed penmanship throughout elementary school because i would go outside of the lines, and refused to change how I wrote. If it was misspelled, I would change it, but style, that was my choice. Then when I got to high school, I was praised for my unique and beautiful penmanship. I am often asked to handwrite labels and signs because of my penmanship. I am so glad that I was encourage at home to be an individual, and not give in to homogenization.

7. I have rare blood, O-. So I am the universal donor for all negative blood types, but I can only take O- blood if I need it. I am on the short list with the American Red Cross, and during Katrina, they called me every month to donate, even though you are supposed to wait 6 weeks between donations. You can see all the little needle scars in the crook of my elbow from my constant donating. I also have a theory about blood type and mosquitoes. I am a mosquito magnet, they love to bite me, and I believe that it is because I have rare blood that they don't often get to eat.

So there you go.
And here I tag.... ;-)
Fishnets and Fedoras
La Planchadora (a sneaky attempt to have her write again, I so miss her postings!!)
Reality Pivots
TinaTangos
Tango Shoe Divas
TangoSpeak
Sorin ;-P

whoopsie....

2008-01-05T12:29:00.000-05:00

Mistakes happen at milongas. It is funny how easily one can mistake an invitation for someone else as directed towards you. Cabaceo helps with this from what I am told, but it is not fail proof.

I found myself on the wrong end of an invitation a little while ago, and it would not have bothered me except that it was not handled well, and so I felt slighted a little and more upset at the correction of the invitation than the fact that the invitation was for my friend and not for me.
I was standing next to a friend of mine, who was sitting, and I heard a voice next to me say "Would you like to dance?" I turned around and saw the leader glance at me, so I thought that the invitation was for me. I said yes and then his face took on an embarrassed look and he said "Oh no, not you.... I'm sorry." at which point I realized that my friend was standing and that the invitation was actually for her, and my turning around must have caused him to look at me. Plus his approaching her "through" me, where I was between him and her, also contributed to the mistaken invitation. I quickly laughed, moved aside and sat down. But those words.... "not you" caused a little flame in my cheeks. If he had still been looking at his intended when I turned around, I would never have mistaken the invitation. Even if he glanced at me, but then turned his gaze back to his invitee, again, no mistake would have been made. But when the mistake was made, a slightly more elegant disentanglement would have been appreciated. Because even though he might have been flustered, to say to someone "Not you" implies a whole world of dismissal.

I have not been dancing long enough to know all of the proper codigos, nor have I been to BsAs yet to really experience cabaceo invitations. However I do believe that there are better ways to handle mistaken invitations without causing too much embarrassment for anyone involved.
One thing I was thinking of was that if this does happen, it would be very nice at some point in the evening to ask the person to dance. It does not have to be a whole tanda if the DJ is playing 4 or 5 song tandas, just for the last couple of songs of a tanda. It would be a very nice way to apologize for the error. I am sure many people will disagree with me on this one, but I think it would ease the situation and take away most hurt or upset feelings. I have heard that in BsAs if a woman accepts a cabaceo that is not intended for her, the gentleman will usually dance with her to avoid causing her embarrassment. This I do not expect and it does not really apply to North America as very few people truly use cabaceo here. Would I have accepted an apology dance from this leader? Most likely. Will I accept a dance from this leader in the future after what really happened? Questionable.

There is really no easy way around this sort of thing, but to allow the other person to more easily shrug off the situation would be appreciated I am sure.

Of course, all of this is from my perspective, a follower who is still gaining experience and learning. I would be interested to hear from leaders as to what their experiences have been and how they handle the situation. As well as anyone, leader or follower, who has experienced cabaceo mistakes and how they were best handled.

Lead, Take Two

2008-01-04T14:44:00.000-05:00

I tried the other side of the embrace again for half of last night's practica. Another high, and the realization just what a challenge I have set out for myself.

One of our local followers was kind enough to let me lead her for awhile and she gave good feedback again. My lead was not as subtle as last time, I need to be always clear, even when there are disasters ahead (another couple dancing near us, yikes!) and not let tension flow through my left arm into her right arm. Step clearly, step lively, and if I have to think, don't stop, just rock step it a little. It went fairly well. Again, it is amazing how much translates in the energy of the connection. There were several times when I was about to lead something and changed my mind, either because of traffic, or a new thought, or what have you, and invariably it was the first thing I was thinking of that she executed. Never the change. Because I started the first idea and did not properly snuff it from existence. Ugh, there is a lot to think about!

Then I got to lead a good friend of mine, who is a leader, and whom I had not danced with in a month! He also gave me really good feedback. I was leading with my legs, not with my core, and my energy was going down, not straight out. We made some adjustments and BAM! There is was, the right energy placement. It was fun to lead him, and let me tell you the difference between leading a little slip of a girl and a tall, strong guy.... whew! Navigation suddenly had blind spots, although the resistance he was giving was considerably less than she was. Although neither felt bad, it was just a world apart. He was very light, and she was more molasses-y thick with her movement. Bizarre. But fun!

I also lead another leader friend who claimed that he did not know how to follow at all. Aha! Challenge! It was truly a challenge as I had to be uber-clear and uber-direct in leading, so all we did was walk. Then he started asking me to take him to the cross, and lead him into ochos... and it all came back, the Oh No Ocho! Only this time, I was "leading" them, not trying to follow them. It was exhausting honestly, to try to lead all these different things, and navigate, and be musical, and keep everything inside my head. But he did give me some very good advice about making a more dynamic cross. Leading her to the cross, following her through it, and the leading her out of it. Pretty cool. Although I really want to get the basics down, get my core clear and really know what the hell I am doing before I start leading any figures, even the ocho. Right now a left turn and a rock step is as exotic as I get. But I am feeling good about the progress I am making. It is baby steps. But they are forward baby steps. So that has to count for something I would think.
:-)

Savor the old and encourage the new! Happy New Year!

2008-01-03T12:50:00.001-05:00

It is one year since I started dancing tango. Thereabout anyway. My first class was in the beginning January of 2007. And it is the beginning of January 2008. What a year it has been. And what a year it is going to be! :-)

Right now I am still basking in the warm glow of dancing for three days straight. The New Year Celebration in Providence was just amazing. Ellen and Robin did such an unbelievable job organizing and hosting this event. It was phenomenal. On all accounts. I wish them rest and relaxation after so much hard work!

There is too much to write about, so I will just talk about some of the highlights and impressions.

It was a room full of amazing dancers New Years Eve. I did not have one mediocre dance, never mind bad, that night. Sorin and I were there from 8pm until 4:30 am, went home to sleep for a little bit, and were back there before noon to keep dancing. Which we did until 2am that night. And then went back the night of the 2nd to take classes with Homer and Christina! Whew!
I was very happy though, as I was moving well, my new black suede CiF's were perfect, and I got to chat, dance and celebrate with friends new and old.

Had some tango moments, which I have not had in awhile. Two lovely leaders from St Louis were there, and I had the absolute pleasure to dance with both of them. One whom I had met before and the other for the first time. Both felt lovely to dance with. Subtle, strong, musical, perfect embrace.... just a whole lot of "sigh! swoon!" in the tandas. Am looking forward to seeing them again!

Then there is the leader from NYC whom I had seen many times, had tried to dance with before and never was able, well this time we connected and danced! After the first dance he asked me why we never danced before, I had to laugh! It is so fun to discover such a great connection with someone you suspected you would enjoy dancing with. He lead this gorgeous little directional change, and gave me latitude to make it small, deep, slow, sharp... whatever I felt in the music, and he would take that motion I began and continue it into the next phrase.... whew! What a high! We only got to dance once for a few tandas during the festival, but I hope the next I am in NYC we get to dance again. :-)

I am not sure if it was my confidence that night, the atmosphere, the leaders, or what, but I was able to offer some voice to most of the dances that I had. Dancing milonga with a good friend he lead a front ocho that turned into a series of tight, fast front ochos. Afterwards he said he did not know how those came about, but they felt so good that he just let me go with it. Cool! :-)
Speaking of milonga - it is absolutely my favorite. I love the rhythm, the steps, the control, the release, just so amazing. And when danced with someone who leads it well, it is breathtaking. I had a few sets of breathtaking milonga, and afterwards I felt like a cat. A sunbathing, cream on the whiskers, sated cat. So cool.....

Class with Homer and Christina were fantastic. Their teaching style is just thought provoking and inspiring. They offer you a concept, let you figure it out, and then see what you have created and offer options in tweaking it into something higher. In three hours I learned more about groundedness and elasticity than I thought possible. Amazingly helpful. And they are so open, and so generous with their knowledge, I wish that they were staying longer so I could take more classes with them! Definitely money well spent, and I will certainly look for them in the future!

All in all a dream of a New Year, I spent 72 hours with friends and the man I love dancing, sharing, celebrating and connecting both on and off the dance floor.
Really, what more could one ask for?!

The flip side

2007-12-29T10:52:00.000-05:00

Thursday night's practica had a ratio of 300 women to 2 men. Ok, I exaggerate a little, there were only 250 women.
heh heh heh
Actually, it was more like 12 women to 4 or 5 men. Certainly not a good ratio for us ladies. So I was chatting with one of the followers, talking about various things, and she mentions that she has been practicing leading and asks me if I lead. uhmmm... well, not much more than a walk.
OK, she says, let's try it, we can switch off lead.
Oh boy, here we go!
I was pretty amazed at myself, as I have been so hesitant to ask for help with the leading, so I have not really worked on it much at all. So it came as a complete surprise to me that here I was, leading with a new friend in open embrace. She lead in close embrace, in heels, and I was amazed at how well she did that. I lead in my little canvas slippers. Well, I was doing my damnedest to lead that is. But what amazed me the most was that I did not kill her! It was great, and quite the rush. Although I have to remember to watch the floor and not my follower's core. Follower habit that, my eyes are always locked on my leader's core in open embrace. Can't do that when you are leading! All in all it went shakily well. We walked, I lead a left turn, ochos, and discovered how to lead a molinette when I thought I was leading an ocho and opened too far and suddenly she was moving around me. I am not sure what my feet were doing, but I managed to end up on the right foot with her. It was thoroughly enjoyable, and we giggled our way through our mistakes, and she gave me some really good feedback, mostly that I was too subtle in my lead, although my embrace was good, not tight and not ghost-like. And my lead to the cross was much too subtle, but that subtle was better than shoveling her across the floor. I gave her a huge hug and said I would practice with her any time she wanted, even if the ratio was reversed next time!

Bolstered by my quasi rudimentary success, I got bold and asked another follower if she would let me practice leading with her. She was incredibly supportive and happy to do so. Boston followers are so supportive when a follower decides to lead, it is as though we all want the other to succeed, and it is such a warm feeling to know that we all support each other in this way. This time, I tried to impart some musicality in the walk at a very basic level using rock steps. And when I lead something that was followed perfectly, I did my best to keep my composure and keep going, when what I wanted to do was jump up and down and hug her while laughing with glee. But I was good, I saved that for after the song. :-)
Feedback again was too subtle, a little light, but clear. And I did not kill her either! Yea me! I felt giddy at the end and I guess that she caught a little of that as well as she asked to practice leading me after our three songs. Which I happily obliged.

It will be a long time before I attempt anything more than walking, ochos, and rock steps at a practica, even the surprise molinette might have to wait until I have some more confidence. However I do have enough confidence to ask for a dance as a leader at a practica. Although I really do need lots of floor space because when we would suddenly get hemmed in from 3 other couples I would feel a slight panic rise in my throat, like a cat looking for a way out of a bath after being locked in the bathroom. And that translates. Which is bad.
And now that I have had a taste of real leading with followers who follow well, I want more. It is such a great feeling when something you meant to lead happens naturally and on beat, and perhaps with a whiff of musicality. And it is also very informative when what you meant to lead either does not happen or something else happens in its place. It is like someone highlighted what you just did and wrote a note saying "Not so much, work on that!" It helps to know what should have happened because then I can figure out what to adjust and try to make it clearer.

I did not think that the tango bug would get stronger, but it just did!

Last night however, I made the mistake of bragging a little to a friend about my "success" at the practica. He gave me a smile, and then stepped into an embrace as a follower! Oh no!! We are at a milonga!! There are people EVERYWHERE!!! WHY DO I TALK!?!?!
sigh
deep breath
And I fucked it all up.
I could not relax as there were people everywhere and I was in 4 inch heels and oh hell....
He was very kind afterwards, and said I was doing ok until I panicked, and to keep my embrace more open and less cramped.
So no more bragging.
And leading only at practicas until I can stay relaxed in tight spots.

my new shoes.....

2007-12-22T21:48:00.000-05:00

:-)

My man loves me....

2007-12-21T11:41:00.001-05:00

How do I know this? Well, he bought me a pair of Comme il Fauts that I had been pinning for after seeing them at Nocturne on our last visit to NYC. Black suede sandal with a muted gold heel and strap. Very classic and gorgeous. So now I have two pairs of healthy CiF's!!
I was dancing with joy when I saw what he bought me, and did a happy wiggle hug to thank him.

I will wear them tonight and ask Sorin to take a couple of pictures.

What a guy!

Tango Soap

2007-12-18T11:21:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine showed me this soap on line..... I want it only for the wrapping! Although the fragrance is Tobacco Blossom, which I can't help but think might actually smell like the old time milongas of BsAs.......

NYC, revisited

2007-12-17T12:42:00.000-05:00

This weekend was GhettoTango and the first Nocturne in a new space. I had a great time, although on the loooong bus ride there, I thought about the fact that GhettoTango was going to be a room full of elite dancers, so I was not sure how the night would go for me as who wants to dance with an intermediate when, as Sorin said, the room was like a candy store. But I need not have been concerned, as it turned out to be a night of fantastic dancing. I did sit for the first two hours or so. I was concerned that it was going to be another night of seat warming, so I moved around. I sat on the couch and chatted with people, I stood by the food and chatted with people, and I sat on the side of the dance space and chatted with people..... But no dice. That is, until our host asked me to dance sometime around midnight or so. I happily accepted, and it was one of the best dances of the night. We danced two tandas, I think, and I just enjoyed every moment. I made a conscious decision to relax and enjoy myself and not psych myself into tensing up because it was a room full of elite dancers. And in following that, I was able to enjoy myself, enjoy my partner and not worry about whether my partner was enjoying dancing with me, I just assumed he was on some level. Made all the difference in the world! After that, I danced all night until my body gave out around 5am. I danced with new friends and old, and with one of the tango gods in attendance for 8 songs!! Yes! 8!! I was expecting to dance one tanda of three and get a thank you at the end. But as we chatted through the cortina, it dawned on me that he was not leaving and I had another tanda coming... happiness is! It was just lovely, and I enjoyed every second. I felt really good, I was moving well, I was feeling the music, I was feeling the lead, and, well, I was simply feeling. The stars aligned in my tango world and it was joyful.

Sometime around 5 or 5:30, Sorin dragged out the air mattress, filled it, and we crawled in, snuggled in as I thought to myself "I don't know if I can sleep with the music and dancing next to our heads" and with that thought barely completed, I fell into a deep sleep. Awoke around 1 in the afternoon, and as all of the tangueros/as stumbled out of bed and gratefully grabbed coffee or tea, we gathered around the kitchen table and talked tango and life as we joined the living world again. It was so surreal, all of these different people from different corners of North America with the common thread of tango gathering us together to share breakfast and coffee. And tango, of course, there was pajama tango as we woke up and someone put music on. Really delightful.

Later that night was Nocturne, and another great night of dancing. I ended up joining the class before as they were short of followers, Carol and Julio from Montréal were teaching a rather lovely little back cross move that when done right was rather sweet feeling. I rather enjoyed the class, despite the expected leader or two who was not up to their basics, never mind leading a volcada. (I have learned that if I don’t feel safe with the lead volcada, I don’t do it. Even if the leader gets pissy with me. Not worth hurting my back. Although I felt a little redeemed as Julio came over as I refused to go into the volcada and spoke with the leader about leading a volcada properly. The leader said he did not know how to lead one, and the answer he received was “I saw, so don’t! Choose another exit move from the back cross please!”)

After the class was the milonga, and when the milonga started, I could not find Sorin to start the night with, I think he was chatting with friends and finishing his coffee in the café area. My friend J cabaceo'd me from across the room, so I happily accepted. He is one of my favorite leaders and I always enjoy dancing with him. And once I started, that was it. I did not sit much of the night.

A new friend traveled up to the milonga, and I wanted to make sure we sat together and chatted, so I kept my eyes open for her, and once I spotted her, I went over to give her a hug and talk. When we were both off the floor, we would talk about this and that. It is always fun to have girlfriends at milongas with you to talk about the dancing, the shoes, or whatever. It was great to meet up with her and swap stories.

I also had another surprise that night, I got another birthday dance!! Adam and Ciko, our intrepid hosts, announced a birthday dance for me and another woman. I stood up in the middle of the floor, a little nervous as this was not my home town, and I did not know how this was going to go, even though I knew quite a few leaders in the room. But I did not need to fear, the music started and leaders were rushing all over the floor to dance with the two birthday girls! Luckily Sorin managed to jump in the beginning of the song, and soon I was being cut in on left and right and behind and underneath.... I actually had one leader duck down and slide in between another leader and myself! It was such a blast, I think I was grinning like a Cheshire Cat the whole time. At one point, two leaders tried to dance with me, neither relinquished his position, and so one fell into follower mode, and I danced with both of them! I just about fell over from laughing! My tango crushes were also there to perform, Murat and Michelle, and I was in absolute heaven when Murat cut in and danced a phrase or two with me. Just wonderful....

Later in the night in the ladies room, two women came up to me to wish me a happy birthday and to tell me how much they enjoyed watching the birthday dance, how funny it was and how much they could tell I was having the time of my life. I thanked them and we chatted a little about the new space and how good the music was. Then later in the evening, a friend mentioned that he had wanted to cut in on my birthday dance, but with all the competition, he was concerned he would not get to, so he watched the entertainment instead. We danced a couple of tandas later in the night and it was just lovely, he really is progressing rather beautifully as a leader, and I told him so. It is such a kick to experience someone's growth and progress with their dance, kind of makes me feel proud of him every time we dance, which is once every month or two.

We danced until the end at 3:30am and just had a wonderful time. I finally got to dance with Sorin for the last tanda and la cumparsita, as we had spent the whole night dancing with new friends and old. By that time I was tired but still moving fairly well, and it was just lovely to relax in his arms and dance through to the end of the night. Had I known what was waiting for us outside, I would have tried to hold onto that warm glow longer, as the world outside was covered in snow, ice and sleet. Winter wonderland my ass! It was a freezing, icy, wet deserted landscape. The group of us scampered as fast as we could to Penn Station to catch the train back to our hosts' loft. And by the time we got home, the sun was just starting to fight its way through the storm clouds and as everyone gathered in the kitchen to chat and eat, I stumbled into bed and passed out, happy with tired muscles and achy feet.

My birthday dance

2007-12-09T14:14:00.000-05:00

I had my very first birthday dance last night!! It was a riot and a ton of fun. Sorin taped it, and had others helped when he danced with me. Here it is - the milonga was at the Brookline Tai Chi Center, which has a fantastic floor and space.

One more round

2007-12-05T20:14:00.000-05:00

This week, I turn one year older. 36. Not too sure how that happened. I don't feel 36. Hell, some days I don't feel 26. Or 21. But here I am, 36. Three-six. Thirty plus six. Twice Eighteen. Three is half of six....

It does not bother me some how. This age. I feel good, I am fairly certain that I don't look half bad, I am loving life, and the corners of my eyes are well practiced with smiling. My job makes me happy, I look forward to seeing what these interesting people create as they learn and grow. I have friends that I adore and cherish. Friends who have been with me for a long time. Friends who will be with me for a long time. I happen to be very content and in love. My heart still does a little flutter when I roll over in the morning and see those brown eyes smiling at me as I wake up. I hope it always does flutter. I hope those eyes always smile at me as I groggily wake up and burrow into the crook of his arm.
I am happy at 36.
I feel good at 36.

Guerilla again

2007-11-29T18:27:00.000-05:00

Tuesday was another Guerilla milonga, where we set up shop at a T stop and danced. This time we had a little bit more of a plan, with a good sized sign that announced that we were not selling anything and that people should feel free to stop and watch, and if they had any questions they could ask any of the dancers. There were also flyers with information about Argentine Tango and the local instructors. And we drew a few crowds throughout the evening! It seemed with the big sign saying not to fear, we were not selling anything, people were more inclined to stop and watch. My favorite audience member about 8, he was waiting for the train with his dad. And he was riveted to the dancing. When the train came, he dad tugged at his sleeve, and the little boy looked aggravated, and plopped his small self down on the platform to watch. His dad just laughed, and indulged his son. They sat through 4 or 5 trains until the dad finally pulled him away. Hmmmm... a future tanguero in the making?? You never know how this sort of thing will affect someone.

There were 6 if us who came out, and it was a blast. I just relaxed and enjoyed myself, I did not worry about the crowds, in fact, I usually did not notice them at all. There were a few points when people would start clapping for the 6 of us and it startled me. Kinda cool. :-) But because I was relaxed and felt no pressure, I felt as though I was moving well. I felt grounded, I felt connected, but most importantly, I felt joy. And that made all the difference.

;-)