I just don't get it. One minute I suck donkey and the next I am ok and then another minute passes and I do well. It makes no sense to me. And I am disheartened.
Saturday was the all night milonga at Providence, and I was so looking forward to it. We had missed last month due to tummy distress, so this month I was counting down the days. Plus Robin Thomas was coming down from NYC to DJ, so I knew it would be good.
I, on the other hand, I had no idea if I would be good.
And I was not.
Opened the night with Sorin, we danced in open embrace. He dances a lot more now in open, and while it has helped me immeasurably with my balance, but I miss close embrace with him. There seems to be some discord however with us in close embrace and I am not sure what it is. So we need to address that some time. So we danced in open, and it felt fine. Then Robin asked me to dance, and of course, I was thrilled. Even though I was not entirely warmed up, we had danced at Yale Camp, and I had not been too horrible, or so I thought. Well, this time, I was horrible. I could not do anything. And I felt like I should stop and apologize for my absolute inability to follow a simple walk and remove myself from further embarrassment. After the second song Robin suggested that I take a lesson with Marika the next I am in Montreal, which is an excellent suggestion, Marika teaches follower technique and is an amazing teacher and dancer. But it took what little wind I did have in my sails completely out. I felt like I should just go home and save everyone else the aggravation of trying to lead me.
That did not happen.
Instead, as the night went on, I got progressively better. Which was so bizarre to me. I danced with some favorite leaders who were down from NYC, and the ones I danced with at the beginning of the night, I wanted to run over to them at 2am and say, dance with me now! I can actually dance with you now! But I did not. Maybe I should have. But I did have some good dances which shocked the hell out of me. I just don't know what is going on. And it is starting to piss me off a little. However Sunday I went to the practica in Cambridge, and it went smashingly well. I could dance, I could follow, and I did not have the issues that I had the night before. Which was even more aggravating, as Saturday night there were more good leaders in the room, and I was afraid to catch their eye due to the fact that I was no longer myself on the dance floor.